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This is my 100th blog post, my 100th episode. In the spirit of Seinfeld, here is the first 100 posts in review.
Never would I have imagined when I started this blog that 21 months later I wouldn't have my baby in my arms. I envisioned wacky tales of figuring out how to buy donor sperm, getting inseminated at the doctors office (rather than by candlelight) and the experience of being pregnant, preparing for baby. I thought that perhaps like Julie & Julia, my unique (I thought it would be unique when I started) blog would get picked up for movie rights, blazing the way for other SMC's (this was before The Backup Plan, The Switch, and The Kids are Alright - we've come a long way, baby). As I broke into the blog world, I realized that there was a wide-world of SMC's... and later learned more than I ever wanted to know about the in's & out's of infertility.
The Pilot: The pilot episode aired in August of 2009, but it didn't get picked up for the season. It was a good learning opportunity as I connected with my first SMC-wanna-be's and created my Twitter persona to align with the blog. I had some housekeeping to be done, in the terms to getting back to a steady-corporate income, before things could move forward.
Syndicated: It took approximately 8 months for me to get things into place and under way. My blog picked back up in May of 2010, just in time for a hysteroscopy and my first IUI. I was going to be a mom, a SMC, in 9 months!! ....only things didn't work out that way...
I didn't get pregnant right away. I continued IUI's while new SMC friends I had connected with got their BFPs. I began to deal with the idea that it might take me longer than I imagined to begin my life as an SMC. And it hurt.
After several failed IUI's I finally went back to work for my former employer, the one that laid me off after 12 years of service, the one with great benefits. Getting laid off in early 2009 was a big hit to my ego, very much defined by my career at that time and much of the reason my SMC TTC got to such a slow start. Going back was a lesson of swallowing my pride, in the interest of what is best for me and my future family. This employer has not only good maternity benefits, it has good infertility coverage as well.
Advancing from IUI to IVF: My 6th IUI gave me a glimpse of hope, as I had implantation bleeding and a BFP a few days before my beta, but as fast as it appeared, it went away. I started my period an hour before trick-or-treaters came on Halloween night. I was actually happy because I had never gotten to this level of success previously, even though it ended in failure.
My 6th IUI also allowed me to hit a milestone I wish I never met, an official diagnosis of "Unexplained Infertility".
IVF1.0: November/December 2010 was my first IVF. Surely moving to IVF would get me to my dream of being a mom! Three days before Christmas my BFN is confirmed. I was devastated and trying to figure out how to make it through the snowbound family holiday.
Bringing in the New Year was tough, especially when I learned a high school friend announced her third pregnancy the day after her 3 year wedding anniversary.
IVF2.0: By the end of January I was preparing to start my second IVF. My response to the protocol was much improved and I had one (of many) HPT that turned positive... that was an afternoon of hope, elation and joy I've not felt in so long, even knowing it was early
Regrouping: Sadly, there has been more negativity and sadness in my blog than I would ever have imagined. As I ventured out of the world of hopeful SMC to the world of a single Infertile woman, things got really difficult. I wish this were the blog I planned, about a single woman happily becoming a mom, and I pray one day that it can be 'that blog'.
My Bloggies: The best part about this, my 100th post, is recognizing the amazing women I have met along the way! We may not be neighbors, but I know I am not alone. We may not be in the same place on our paths, but your support never waivers. At times, this blog, and your comments are a lifeline. And I am happy that at times, I can support you.
Thank you for being with me, during the good and the bad. It's time for more GOOD.