Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Knock me up, please!

Today was the day for my second attempt to get pregnant!  I had to wait an extra couple of days (today is CD16).  The OPK has been smiling since Monday evening (still smiling) and my progesterone today was 2.08 (yesterday it was 0.45).  My doctor likes any progesterone over 1.5.

Upon thawing out my Swimmers for their mission, they were only at 8mm (last month they were at 22mm).  How can the same donor differ so much? My clinic put an inquiry into the cryobank (which will take about 10 days for response).  Since today was the day, I didn't hesitate when asked if I wanted to open and add a second vial to the mix (that makes $1260 in Swimmers used today), leaving me with one vial left (originally ordered four).  Here's hoping that last vial is never needed!

This combined set of Swimmers had good numbers.  The total was 23mm, 90% motility.  Great numbers, but I expected that from a single vial!

My doctor and nurse are on vacation this week so another doctor performed the IUI.  He was very good, explained things as he went (I like doctors who tell me what's going on and what it means... I'm the kind of person who needs to understand the details).

My official test date is July 12.  My expected AF date is July 11.... here's hoping AF doesn't come for a long, long, long (x40 weeks) time!

Positive thoughts & Baby Dust!!!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The SuperWoman Inside

Recently a good friend, L, was telling a story.  In that story L mentioned fixing the heating element in her dryer, although that was a minor detail and not the focus of the story.  Thinking back,  I can't remember what the original story was about because we made her back-up and tell us about fixing the dryer herself.  

In short, she went out, found the right part, came home, took the dryer apart, removed the broken part, installed the replacement part and put the dryer back together - all while her kids were at school and her husband was at work.  

L has always been an amazing person but this showed her strengths in a new light... powerful, capable (of doing anything she sets her mind to), determined.

When something needs to be fixed, I call my best buddy J, my dad or a professional.   If it's something I can live with for a while, I just put it on my "get around to it" list to have addressed someday; that's a dangerously long list.

This weekend, I used the inspiration provided by L and successfully tackled a plumbing job AND self-injected my trigger shot.

My bathroom sink has been clogged for a long time.  Tired of living with it and knowing it's not a rocket science type fix, I googled "how to unclog a drain" and read up on it and watched a short video.  The guy in the video said it should take about 10 minutes.  Of course it took me a good bit longer, as in it took several hours over 2 days.  This is because I made it a bit more complicated than it should have been and the hours spent was due to a problem I was having reconnecting the PVC pipe without leaks.  I got so frustrated with it that I had to let it go last night - and I ignored it most of the day today.

In the meantime, today was the day for my Ovidrel trigger shot.  While I could have asked one of many people to do it for me, I really felt like it was something I needed to do for myself.  I am very skittish of needles and sharp objects.  I turn my head away and clench my teeth every time I have blood drawn.  But when it comes down to doing something for this child I've not met yet but who I already love tremendously, I'll gladly step out of my comfort zone.   And so I did.  And it was fine. 

And that's all it took for me to go back to the leaky pipe in the bathroom and try a new strategy to connect the pipe.  And it worked.  I was done within a couple of minutes.

Small successes like being my own plumber and nurse should help reassure my future child that he/she will be in great hands with me as a mommy!

Friday, June 18, 2010

BFN #1 and at the Starting Line Again

My Two Week Wait ended early with a BFN (Big Fat Negative).

All through my first cycle of trying I had convinced myself that I was going to be one of the lucky ones that gets pregnant on the first try.  Even my RE said everything was exactly as she likes it to be at the time of my IUI; I was sure that was a sign it would be successful.  My mindset could be called "the power of positive thinking" or optimism... the only problem is it didn't prepare me for dealing with a Negative.

I was supposed to test Thursday, June 17, and no earlier per my RE.  Of course, I took my first test on Monday and it was Negative.  I was really disappointed (all day) even though it was earlier than the doctor instructed.  I was 12 days past IUI and that really should have been enough time to show a positive - if I was pregnant.  

Tuesday was worse...  I convinced myself NOT to test on Tuesday so my day wouldn't be impacted if I got a negative again.  But it was still bothering me... That morning I met with my nutritionist, however less than 10 minutes into her session I told her I couldn't concentrate, we needed to reschedule and I walked out blinking back tears.  

When I got to the office and went to the bathroom, I was spotting.  (Beware, this may be TMI)  The spotting was clotty and not my usual pre-period spotting so I wanted to believe it was Implantation Bleeding.  I knew that wasn't logical either - it was past the time I would experience Implantation Bleeding.  

By Tuesday evening, Flo had made her appearance.  While still disappointed, I accepted that it didn't happen on the first try.  And I felt some satisfaction that at least I was straight into my next cycle (no waiting between BFN and starting again).

Here's hoping & praying that the second time is the charm!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Making it through the Two Week Wait

I'm in the midst of my Two Week Wait (2ww).  The doctor instructed me not to test until Thursday (2 weeks to the day from my IUI).  Since I told myself that I need to enjoy the process I compiled a list of things to do to pass the time during the wait.
  • Search for a new job with great benefits (if you need one) 
  • Rent a boat for a day on the lake with friends
  • Get together with local SMC's
  • Visit with family
  • Train your dogs
  • Finally get the cracks in your windshield fixed
  • Try new recipes; perfect old ones
  • Deep clean your kitchen
  • Read a good book (not about having/raising a baby)
  • Yard work
  • Catch up with old friends
  • Pray...

    I've done all of these things and a few more... yet I find the later half of the 2ww wait to be the toughest part.  This is going to be tough emotionally the more cycles I have to go through it...  

    How have you distracted yourself during the 2ww?

    *Puppy on top-right is Izzy (Australian Shepherd/Lab rescue) 20 months old
    *Puppy on bottom-left is Faithy (Lab rescue) 16 months old

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010

    The O Factor

    Last week was the big day; the FIRST time in my life I have INTENTIONALLY tried to get pregnant!  Let's all pray the first time is the Charm! 

    After work last week (before my IUI), my Supper Club girlfriends met up for our monthly gathering of food & cocktails.  Everyone was happy to hear that the Big Day is here!  They were asking me questions about how it works...  I answered what I could - but I was sure I didn't know exactly what to expect.

    A couple of the girls were curious whether it would help to have a 'Big O'?  A good question.  My response... while having a Big O is usually an ideal part of getting pregnant, I really think I'd be humiliated to feel any level of pleasure - with the doctor "down there".  

    Technically speaking, the IUI is less invasive than a pap smear.  The frozen Swimmers will have been thawed and measured/tested, they will be inserted directly in my uterus.  I've read that there is "unscientific evidence" that a Big O can be helpful when conceiving naturally as it may help the Swimmers move through the vagina and cervix into the uterus.  In the case of an IUI, the Swimmers start in the uterus.

    So while there will be no O Factor in this process - what matters most is getting the best Swimmer past the Goalie!!!

    Now... I simply wait...

    Wednesday, June 2, 2010

    Sharing the news with children

    This is an email I received from my sister shortly after telling her my plans to have a baby.  We had briefly discussed what to say to her kids, when the time was right.  She has a 13 year old daughter (A) and 11 year old son (M).  I was happy to contribute to their family interaction and entertainment!!!


    We of little faith.... I told A about what was going on with your future.... She was so excited for you and of course herself. She asked if you were going to adopt or just use sperm.... She was so grown up about it all; it was like I was talking to you.... 

    I told her that we hadn't told M (her little brother) yet, so of course she walks in the house so excited and trys to contain her excitement in front of him, but says to her dad "I know".... of course M wants to know what she I challenged A to explain it so he could understand. As soon as M heard the word "sperm" he decided he didn't want to know. A went after her Science Textbook in her room so she could show M what the egg and the sperm do.... 

    All of this is cracking all of us up of course, because M just didn't want to know. I hope we didn't tramatize him. Very fun night!

    She told us that it reminded her of that movie....thinking....thinking...thinking....oh yeah...."Baby Mama" ..... Good family interaction night. Thanks.

    Tuesday, June 1, 2010

    Timing is Everything

    I had my annual beach trip with some of my dearest friends from college last week.  I realized it may be my last 'hurrah' before pregnancy.

    I had been watching my cycle carefully because I've learned, when you are going through assisted fertility, your cycle dictates your life.  You must be in town during certain days of your cycle for certain tests and procedures.  Makes sense.

    So as this cycle began, the timing interfered with my beach trip.  "Unfortunately" it means that I had to depart from my annual beach trip a day (well, 14 hours) early to be back for more bloodwork.  If things were one day later, I'd be in the clear (for my trip)... but then again, one day earlier.... that would REALLY have interfered with my trip.  

    Thankfully, all of my girlfriends are so wonderfully supportive. They are more than ready for me to join the ranks of motherhood.