Monday, February 28, 2011

Twenty Questions

Thanks to my very pregnant friend Shannon at Chasing Rainbows for tagging me for Twenty Questions!  

The rules.

Rule #1: the tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Rule #2: tag 4 people to do this quiz; they cannot refuse (ok, so nothing bad will happen if you don’t participate but I would love to see your answers). The tag-ee must state who tagged them.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family?
Absolutely they are part of the family.  I often refer to my two 2-year old lab mixes as "the girls" when talking about them.  I also sign many cards to family & friends "Love BB, Izzy & Faithy" (including the dogs names)

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be?
That's a no brainer.  This IVF cycle will result in a happy & healthy baby come November of this year!  

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Like Shannon, first I'd pay off my current mortgage (after I quit my day job).  I'd adopt a couple of children, in addition to my baby from #2, then I'd start an animal rescue organization.

4. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Taking the girls to the dog park.  Or working out, if I can motivate myself.

5. What is your bedtime routine?
Take out contacts, wash face, brush teeth.  Close & lock the laundry room door where the dog door is located.  The girls jump on the chaise at the foot of my bed and we spend some quality time saying good night.

6. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your significant other? If you aren’t, what have you tried in the past few years to meet someone?
Primarily online dating over the last few years.  Before that was socially acceptable, I met guys at bars/parties,through friends and even through work.

7. What kind of books do you read?
I love a James Patterson thriller (except his series books like Alex Cross & Women's Murder Club).  I also indulge in a good Nora Roberts romance/suspense.

8. How do you see yourself in 10 years?
Raising my 9-year old and possibly another child.  Hopefully in love with Mr. Right-for-me and living near family.

9. What’s your fear? 
Not having my dream of becoming a mom come true, never connecting with a man who is my Mr. Right.

10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space?
Nope.  I love to look at the sky, the stars, the moon... I've never had the desire to go to outer space.

11. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Smile at the girls looking over the back of the chaise at me, with such anticipation (body-wagging) about starting the day.  I wish I had their enthusiasm!!!  

12. If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be?  Or, if you’re single - if you could choose a significant other who looked like anyone in the world, who would it be?
Matt Damon

13. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
I'd keep my first name but change the spelling to the biblical version of my name... 

14. If you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose?

15. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
My breakfast casserole 

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most?
The support and connections with other SMC's and women dealing with infertility issues.  You can't get this level of support at an in-person local event.

17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods?
Salty... but I do love my sweets

18. What items are in your purse right now?
Nothing exciting.  Wallet, checkbook, receipts, lip gloss, eye wetting drops

19. If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains where would you go?

20. What day would you want to live over & over (as in the movie Ground Hog Day)?
Taking a day off work with the man I thought I would marry and riding all of the roller coasters, over & over, at a local theme park.

And here are bloggers I'm tagging today

InconceivableA - my blog/twitter friend who is my IVF cycle buddy, for the second time
Paige at The Turning of Paige - a fellow SMC who exemplifies strength and perseverance 
Jay at Stork Stalking - The smartest SMC TTCer I know, settling into her new diggs in NYC
SurlyGirl at It's Definitely Possible - a new SMC TTCer

IVF2.0 Update:
Lots of big follies making my lower abdomen quite sore.  Retrieval should be Thursday (final word will come tomorrow), Transfer would then be Sunday.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Back on the hormones again (to be read to the tune of "Back in the Saddle again").  I think my body, particularly my brain, acclimated back to the hormones immediately!

I have become... CLUELESS...  I am now what I would absolutely call "flighty".  I can't hold my train of thought, concentrate and sometimes I even have a hard time spelling.

Photo courtesy of Chic and Charming (I just had a hard time spelling "courtesy")

Sunday morning, I was out running errands.  I took a different route to the Home Economist Market and ended up driving several miles past my turn before I even realized I was driving aimlessly.  I attribute this to the lack of stress I feel right now... I was just taking a Sunday drive.

That's right my friends, I said LACK OF STRESS!  You should be so proud of me because I told my boss NO on Friday when he tried to get me to take the lead on another project using a technology I've never worked with, IVR (the phone robots we all hate).  But, I digress from the subject at hand.

After my Sunday morning errands I got back home and realized I didn't get trash bags.  Trash bags were very important to my goals for the rest of the day: declutter the house.

I grabbed my keys and drove the 3 blocks to the grocery store to pick up trash bags... and about 5 other items (because who can really go to the store and only pick up the single item they intended).

It was just past church time, which means the store was extremely busy.  I waited in line for a while and finally got to my own personal uScan - self check out - only to realize my purse was not on my arm....  Where was my purse?  I had breezed through the store so fast I know I didn't put it down in the store.  Did I leave my purse in the car???

My favorite employee at the grocery was working the uScan station.  He knows my name, always greets me with recognition, sometimes waving across the store and always has a smile.  Do you have any strangers in your life like that?  A person you don't know but you know, and when you see them you feel pleased?  Anyway, that's how I feel about my favorite employee at the grocery store... and again, I digress.  Point being, I left my basket with him while I went to find my purse.

Long story, less long, I had left my purse at home.  I had only grabbed my keys when I left the house in such a spontaneous fashion.  Home I went, grabbed my purse, went back to the store, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I've had a hard time concentrating and have gotten my cliche's wrong.  Yesterday on a work call I was thanking everyone for "turning on the speed of a dime".... yeah, that didn't make sense, but everyone knew what I meant.

Also, my monitoring appointment was yesterday.  Normally, as many of you know, I work from home.  I needed to be in the office for meetings yesterday so I had to go in straight from my appointment at the RE.

My instructions were to wait until after my monitoring appointment to do my injections.  I had a plan... I took my injectables into the doctors office with me and as I was getting dressed after my ultrasound I did my injections.  But since I was going straight to the office I had to keep the vials cool.  I had a small cloth lunch bag and used that to keep the medicine and put in the work refrigerator. I noted to myself (but not on paper) not to forget them when I left the office.

Well, as I was leaving, a business partner was leaving and we talked all of the way out of the building.  I was 4 blocks from my house when I realized my medicine was still in the refrigerator at work...  You know what comes next - U-turn.

So my monitoring appointment yesterday revealed 7 follicles all under 10.  The doctor (not my doctor) told me "it will be a while" before retrieval time.  I am continuing more of the same from my protocol.  This means I'll continue my adventures as the modern day Cher, from Clueless...

What flighty adventures will I get into next?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

CD1 IVF2.0

AF made her appearance this morning!  Let's get this cycle started!!!

My dates with Mr. Wandy begin again in the morning... WooHoo!

Time to turn my stomach into a pin cushion...

Let the hormones  (and emotional instability) begin!

The end result is worth all of it!!!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Interesting Twists & Turns

I have so many interesting twists and turns to share this week... a series of short posts.

IVF Drugs
My mail-order IVF drugs (from Pharmacy #1) got caught up in the massive snowstorm earlier this week.  They were to be delivered on Tuesday.  I had to call the pharmacy to track down the tracking number and figure out when they were to arrive.  Of course the drugs were scheduled to be delivered two days late, on a day I had to be downtown for work (I work from home most days).

Thankfully a note on the door with a screenshot of the FedEx tracking information successfully replaced my in person signature and they left my box for me by the side door when I finally got home at 9pm Thursday, with sleet all over the box. At least there was no issue with the ice packs melting during the delay!

The nurse also clarified that I will not start my Lupron until I start Stims so I can wait to order that (from Pharmacy #4) in another week or two.

Pre-IVF Cycle Ovulation

Finally on CD16, Thursday, I got a smiley face on my OPK... good thing as I was going to have to buy a new pack of OPKs that day.

Fortune Cookie
This morning I was cleaning up my kitchen to make room to organize all of my drugs for IVF#2.  I found a fortune cookie that I had set aside months ago sitting next to all of my former set of IVF drugs and vitamins.  For some reason I just never got around to opening it.

Today I opened it, and it read: A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.  

I find this quite appropriate as I have reminded myself over and over that this TTC process is about learning the lesson of patience.

Work Stress
I still need to write a post about "Coming Out" to my leadership, peers and partners about my infertility struggles.  I've been doing that over the last few weeks as I continue to explain to leadership that the amount of work on my plate (allocated 250%) has to let up; the doctor mandates I reduce my stress, which is accentuated due to the IVF hormones.

Anyway, I've been managing two projects each which require 100% of a resource (me), because we have not been given the green light to replace the resource we let go in December (due to performance issues).  Plus I manage half of the project portfolio - this means I'm ultimately responsible for 8 - 10 other projects that other people are managing; I have responsibility that these projects are on track, act as the point of escalation to remove road blocks, etc.  I've been so busy for months that it's nearly impossible to get anything done because I'm constantly pulled into different directions simultaneously.  There are a number times each week that I'm supposed to be in 4 different meetings at the same time...

Random Run-In Turned Networking
I was out for tapas & drinks with my business partners Thursday night.  While walking from the office to the restaurant I found myself thinking of someone I had been meaning to connect with.  W is a sharp guy that I recruited to work for me several years ago.  He didn't realize his potential so I coached him into developing the confidence he needed to realize he could be a great leader in the division.  I told him, as I watched his confidence and responsibility grow, that one day I'd end up working for him.

Anyway, when I walked in the door I was headed to my business partners and I hear my name.  It's W and a group of people from that division.  Coincidence?  I don't think so... I had a chance to talk to him depth that evening and talk about opportunities back in his division.  I told him I was ready to come work for him, just as I predicted years ago when he worked for me.  And there sounds like there may be opportunities opening up...  When I got home Thursday night I was really feeling better about the possibility of a new opportunity going back to doing something I really enjoy!  I still am excited about this possibility...

Company Announces Shut Down of Business (Product) I Support
Thursday & Friday of this week I was in the office with local business partners, as well as several who flew in for our all day working sessions.  Friday at lunch time the entire business division was called together for an announcement that our company, due to strategic business decisions to get back to fundamentals, would be exiting our business, aka our product is being sunset.

It's strange to describe that while it was shocking and disheartening for my partners, I felt such a great sense of relief!  My workload and all the related stress was no longer important or urgent.  The company is committed to redeploying each person into other roles, once we go through the shut down of operations; I do believe that everyone will still have jobs, unless they elect to leave the company.

My division has assured they can absorb me and my team into new assignments supporting other products/services.  This is reassuring, I still have a job.  But I also want to use this time to try to find a different role, like the one I mentioned above working for W.

I've expressed to my leadership that I prefer to stay on and help with the assessment and execution of what it will take to properly shut down this business area.  So far, it sounds like I'll get my wish. We start this process on Monday.  This also gives me time to network and work out potential other opportunities.

Random Meeting of Another SMC
This is the strangest and most inspiring part of this series of stories that make up my week...  The boss of my senior business partner (I'll call her D), who I have met once before, was in the room helping the team absorb the enormity of the announcement about the business and their jobs.  When the call ended, you could cut the silence in the room with a knife, and there were probably 40+ people in the room.

D began to speak, her voice was full of emotion as she reassured the team that they have done a tremendous job over the years and that this decision is not a reflection of their work but of a broader-arching strategy based on the current economic climate.  She went on but I won't share that level of detail here.  Many in the room had eyes shimmering with unshed tears as D spoke, including me.

After the meeting ended, everyone lingered in the room to talk as they continued to absorb the news.   I cancelled the remainder of my all day working session as it was clear that project would be cancelled (and many of us went out for drinks mid-afternoon).

D and I spoke for a moment and I mentioned that hearing the emotion in her voice choked me up, but I'm hormonal, etc.  The topic of my IVF came up (since I'm being open about it at work now).  She said she went through infertility treatments about 6 years ago so she understands completely.  She went on to talk about how she ended up adopting and it was the best decision she's ever made; how her children are meant to be her children.  I told her I'm single and doing this on my own, and that it's my impression that adoption is more challenging for a single woman.

I can't describe the look that washed over her face, but I wont forget it.  It was then that she said she is also single.  She went through all of the process and steps as a SMC.  I had no idea.  She showed me pictures of her 4 and 6 year old gorgeous, smiling children she adopted from Guatemala.

So there at the strangest and most bitter-sweet random time possible, I connected with another SMC.  We're going to get together once the dust settles.

It was a strange yet inspiring week!  And I feel completely at peace for the first time in a long time.

Lastly - The Versatile Blogger
Thanks to SurlyMama for the nod for the Virtual Blogger award.  I'm going to link back to my post from October when I previously received the award.  And again, I'm sorry your first cycle didn't work AND that it left a cyst that forces you to sit out this month.  Mother Nature can be very cruel.