Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Doctor Who???


I like my RE.  I love her nursing team.  I like the RE practice she's a part of.   I LOVE that in their practice only RE's do procedures, such as IUI's, rather than deferring to their nurses.  I LOVE her 30 years of experience and the fact that she's made it possible for countless children to be part of our world.  I enjoy the time I spend with her and appreciate her knowledge and guidance.

This is why I have strong feelings of guilt for feeling disappointed.  And it nags at me that it must be bad karma to feel frustrated.    But as hormonal as I am (and I know I am) I also know that I am justified in these feelings.  

AF arrived today.  Not a surprise and I was happy to see her come since I knew IUI#2 was not successful.  As necessary, I checked in by voicemail with her nursing team to let them know I started today and asked if I would see her Friday when I come in for my bloodwork & ultrasound; if not I'd like to have a few minutes with her (even by phone) to discuss what we have learned over the last two attempts.

The message back (unfortunately I was in a meeting) was to come in Friday, my doctor would not be available and I can sit down with her August 16th.  AUGUST 16!!!  

Now, I've only been TTC for two cycles, starting my third now.  In the two cycles, besides the countless days I have gone in for bloodwork, I have seen A doctor 6 times (ultrasounds & IUI's); I have seen MY doctor ONCE out of those six times; that was my first IUI on 6/3.  

I called back and left the nurse a message to book the appointment on August 16th but then listed out the questions I have (telling her since I'm paying out of pocket 100% I'd like to ensure whether one small tweak might make a difference):
  •   I've only done medicated (Clomid & Ovadrel Trigger) cycles, what about unmedicated?
  •   Since my progesterone is low, could the IUI's have been timed too late by waiting for a certain progesterone level before performing the IUI?

Afterwards, I had to walk away from my desk, from the office for 15 minutes because I was feeling so frustrated (and this is the polite word for how I was feeling).  If I didn't give into the anger, it would be tears.  I took a walk and was able to finish my day.

I missed the return call (poor cell service in my office) but saw the voicemail pop up from the clinic...  I couldn't bring myself to listen to the message while at work.  I had to finish my day, I had errands to run.  At 8:30 this evening I finally listened to the message (5 hours later).  Well, that (as I feared) just brought me to tears.

The message was that... perhaps it's best if I take this month off.  That way when my appointment with my doctor comes up I'm "early" in my next cycle.  -by the time August 16th comes I'll be 6 - 8 days into my next cycle.  I don't want to take a month off; I want to have a 10 minute conversation with my doctor!

I don't want to be angry, frustrated or disappointed with my doctor... I just want to talk to her about what we've learned over the last two months and what slight tweak in approach may bring about different results.  

I had hit acceptance with my failed second cycle until this came up, now I'm sad again.  I'm not typically a sad person... I don't like this feeling.

6 comments:

  1. I don't really understand how RE's offices work. They know that women are going to want to get a followup appointment immediately to discuss a change in plans after a BFN, so why don't they set up some extra work in appointments for those instances? Like it would be so hard to set aside 20 minutes on the schedule every day for work ins. I do it, why can't they?

    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this added frustration on top of a BFN. Are you going to call back and try to get an earlier appointment - or maybe ask the nurse to give a detailed message to your doc, maybe she'd tell them to schedule you sooner.

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  2. Thanks Shannon. I don't get it either. When I made my initial appointment with this doctor, it took less than a week to get in with her. Jt doesn't make sense that it takes over a month to get a follow up.... especially since in a single cycle there are 3 visits with A doctor (for ultrasounds and IUI)... but no doctor who is not my doctor will offer information/advice/feedback.

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  3. I'm sorry about your BFN & the frustration your RE's office is giving you. I feel like I'm saying this a lot lately but it doesn't seem fair...they've been doing this for 30 years, you'd think, like Shannon said, they's know women would want a follow up after a BFN.

    Take care...big hug.

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  4. Reading this brings back a flood of emotions I felt while trying to conceive Anna. After each failed IUI, I felt frustrated, angry, adandonded (by doctor), anxious, suspicious (do they really know what they are doing?), sad, jealous, exhausted, fearful, hopeful and finally joyous, happy, elated, thankful! If I could give you anything, I would give you a heaping dose of patience - along with a big ole hug! I know that this is very hard to do and I'm finding myself having to be patient right now - you know patience and me are like oil and water. Just remember, your doctor does care. She knows her job and knows that the more information you have, the more you can analyze things - making it easier for you to worry and therefore causing yourself stress that you do not need. Added stress can prolong getting pg. Ha - all this coming from this horses mouth! relax - have that glass of wine...or two. Remember you are loved and cared about from here to the moon and that right swimmer will make it to the finish line! I just know it!! xoxo~~

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  5. Is there another RE in the practice that you can see in the meantime? One month is a long time in the life of someone over 35 and ttc.
    I hope this all works out with all your questions answered and you don't have to miss a cycle.

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  6. I think (if you want my opinion :) ) that you should do the following (because because I am mad now at your RE as well!!):

    Call your RE's office, tell them you want to start again this cycle you will not be taking a month off- why take a month off there is no reason for that!!

    Tell them you want a quick visit with them to discuss the plan of action this can be over the phone, in person or be creative- via skype, but a quick plan is all you need..a little assurance- is that really too much to ask for--NO!!

    Lastly if they cannot give you this- is there another RE office in your town/city that you can possibly go to. I understand that you like your office but they seem a little busy...maybe you need an office with more of a personal touch...

    Okay I am off my soap box, sorry if this is coming off brash and mean but really the RE is being a jerk in my opinion making you take a month off- that is ludicrous!!

    I believe you can get pregnant, I believe you will be a mommy- you just need an RE to inseminate you...right?? Hang in there!

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