Monday, July 12, 2010

No News is Not Good News

For the few friends and my sister who I am keeping up to date on TTC, they get it.  My mom, on the other hand, I've had to explain that no news is NOT good news, so if there is no news, please don't ask (or at least wait a day or two).  

Getting a BFN first thing in the morning when I have to get ready for a Monday at the office is enough to deal with, or repress...  the only call I'm going to make is to the clinic to report in and request instructions.  Then I'm going to put it out of my head so I can make it though the day.  

If it was a BFP...  I'd be calling and texting everyone in the loop.  I'd gladly be late to work and dancing on air.  If it's a BFP, my sharing is not going to be an issue... you wont have to wait to hear from me, you will hear!

The return call from the nurse came while at the office during a meeting.  I stepped away long enough to answer and be instructed to stop the progesterone (already taken today so I'll stop tomorrow) and call when AF arrives, or by Friday if AF  has not arrived.  Walking back to my desk I couldn't give in to the thoughts in my head because the tears would follow.... and in my open work environment - that can't happen.

So I'll stop the progestrone tomorrow... but of course I'll still test until AF arrives... holding out that last bit of hope.  But everything indicates a second cycle failure.

I thought that maybe (since this month is a bust) I'm supposed to get a 39th birthday present (Aug 7)... but I just calculated the dates and since my period is late this month it would be a LATE birthday present... which makes for a stressful birthday.

Now that I'm home from work, the trash & recycling are at the curb, the dogs have been fed and I have a glass of wine (why not?) I can let myself feel sad for the loss of this try. [tear sliding down my left cheek]


  1. aw that sucks. I'm sorry to hear that.

    I can totally relate to the work environment. I am impressed that you held it together as long as you did all day. I think I would have had to sneak off to one of the bathrooms on a different floor. :(

  2. I'm so sorry-- but you are right. It's not over until AF arrives. Stranger things have happened...

  3. Well, crap. I was hoping that you were knocked up, and just too busy telling everyone else to get around to telling us here. Maybe next time your day to test will be on a weekend....of course, that will be the one where you get your BFP!!!

    Enjoy your wine, and be very good to yourself tonight.

  4. That sucks, I'm sorry...but I second Hopeful, take it from me, it's not over until AF arrives.

    I totally hear you about how your mom is...I sometimes wish I hadn't told my family, though I cherish their support, I get tired of the constant questioning, "How do you feel?" "Do you know anything yet?" Well, duh, do they really think I wouldn't tell them?

    Hang in there...

  5. Sorry to hear that. My 39th is August 3rd. Hopefully we'll both get the bday presents we want this year. Hang in there.


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