Friday, June 18, 2010

BFN #1 and at the Starting Line Again

My Two Week Wait ended early with a BFN (Big Fat Negative).

All through my first cycle of trying I had convinced myself that I was going to be one of the lucky ones that gets pregnant on the first try.  Even my RE said everything was exactly as she likes it to be at the time of my IUI; I was sure that was a sign it would be successful.  My mindset could be called "the power of positive thinking" or optimism... the only problem is it didn't prepare me for dealing with a Negative.

I was supposed to test Thursday, June 17, and no earlier per my RE.  Of course, I took my first test on Monday and it was Negative.  I was really disappointed (all day) even though it was earlier than the doctor instructed.  I was 12 days past IUI and that really should have been enough time to show a positive - if I was pregnant.  

Tuesday was worse...  I convinced myself NOT to test on Tuesday so my day wouldn't be impacted if I got a negative again.  But it was still bothering me... That morning I met with my nutritionist, however less than 10 minutes into her session I told her I couldn't concentrate, we needed to reschedule and I walked out blinking back tears.  

When I got to the office and went to the bathroom, I was spotting.  (Beware, this may be TMI)  The spotting was clotty and not my usual pre-period spotting so I wanted to believe it was Implantation Bleeding.  I knew that wasn't logical either - it was past the time I would experience Implantation Bleeding.  

By Tuesday evening, Flo had made her appearance.  While still disappointed, I accepted that it didn't happen on the first try.  And I felt some satisfaction that at least I was straight into my next cycle (no waiting between BFN and starting again).

Here's hoping & praying that the second time is the charm!


  1. It amazing how hard a BFN is, no matter how much you think you're prepared for it, it still sucks. Funny, I had weird AFs after my two BFNs, too.

    I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you that #2 is the one that sticks!

  2. I'm so sorry about your BFN. Not fair, especially when you've timed everything perfectly.

    Here's to #2!!

  3. Thoughts are with you, Rebecca!


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