Planning

Research on Donor Eggs
Yesterday I made an appointment to talk to the DE coordinator at my RE office, along with the Finance coordinator.  The appointment is April 8th.  For me, this is just initial information, not a decision.

WTF Appointment Planning
My WTF appointment with Dr. T is on April 13.  I have questions in my head and I need to start writing them down.  Here are a few... just to get them written down:

• What happened this time?
• The embryos were moving into the Morela stage on Day 3 at transfer, given this is there really possibly a problem with the quality of my eggs (embryos)?
• If we were to do IVF again (using my own eggs), what would we do differently?  How can we get more of my own eggs?

I have questionably had two brief chemical pregnancies (IUI #6 and IVF #2), meaning a positive HPT (not a trigger false positive), then negative HPT and negative Betas...

• How do we know the problem is not with my uterus, an inability to support implantation/growth?
• What testing can we do to feel confident the problem is not with my uterus, especially if I decide to use donor eggs $$$?

Second Opinion
While I love Dr. T I do think it's time to get an opinion from someone else.  It doesn't have to be someone local... so I actually have no clue who to schedule a second opinion with...  I've not done much research on this topic.

This is when I wish I had someone to share the burden with, someone to tell me where to go, what to do...  or just to have someone as invested in this as I am to talk through it with.

Business Travel
It's going to be a crazy week, heading out West Monday for a packed schedule of work meetings and "team building" events...  I am NOT looking forward to the socializing with people I barely know as the questions:  Are you married?  Do you have kids?  are always asked (over and over given there will be 50 or so collegues around over the course of the week).  I really had hoped I would be trying to schedule my first ultrasound around my travel schedule...

Any ideas on clever responses (that are also politically correct, given these are business contacts)?  My new response (to those who know my IF struggles) is that I gave this company my best fertile years.  Probably not the best response when talking with casual acquaintances.

Personal Travel
I get home Thursday night and get back on a plane Friday to head to see the family in Florida, for a mini reunion.  I'm looking forward to seeing my family and catching up with a couple of friends.  Then back home Monday afternoon.

My dogs are sitting on either side of me at this moment but I miss them already... I hate leaving them for a week!

Weight Watchers
I decided against the 'extreme' diet due to all of the unknown implications to my TTC efforts.  I really just wanted to see fast results based on my efforts, given I've not seen results from all of my TTC efforts over the last year.  But instead I signed up for Weight Watchers.

Slow & Steady Wins the Race, right?  If it doesn't, then I know my heart will never recover...

(I searched Google Images for a Broken Heart image... my favorite actually came from SIF's blog.) 

WTF Appointment Prep

I know, I know, I've been MIA.  It's the middle of January and I've not posted YET this year.  Well, here I go...

First, thank you for all of your encouragement and support from my dark day.  All of your comments were wonderful and well received; some of you were very perceptive as well.  I've been wanting to post since then to let everyone know that I've been better (it was a bad day) but I have not had the words after exposing myself so fully... and then my laptop crashed (fixed today).  Those who follow me on Twitter have the privy of knowing things are improving and that day was just my "crash" after my failed IVF on top of 6 failed IUI's, coming off of 8 months of hormones, the holidays and going into the new year where I will turn 40!

I did start seeing the IF shrink again and have started taking Xanax 3x's a day... WOW... it takes the edge off the terrible anxiety I was feeling AND I sleep well at night without any other drugs!

My WTF appointment with my RE is on Monday (yes my fertile friends who follow my blog, WTF means what you think it means).  I've not spent too much time prepping for it.  What do I ask?

• What have you learned about my ability to conceive after 6 IUI's and 1 IVF?

• What are the leading causes of my inability to conceive?  How do we address this?

• What could have been done to improve the number/quality of eggs/embryos from my IVF?  

• Will I be able to have a child with my own eggs?

• When can I do another IVF?  What will we do differently?  What are my chances for success?

What should I add to the list?  Will Dr. T have the answers?

It's not been a full month since my IVF BFN but this break has seemed to last an eternity.  I've actually enjoyed not counting my cycle days, no injections or suppositories (no alarm going off multiple times daily to remind me to medicate).  But I don't enjoy knowing it's a month where I've "wasted" an egg and I have no chance at pregnancy.

Sorry friends, for being a bad blogger.  I think the lack of blogging goes along with the TTC break.  I'm hoping my break will end next week (AF is due a few days after the WTF appointment).