Monday, September 27, 2010

I've Got Nothing


Halfway through my 5th 2ww... I have nothing to share or offer.  Close your browser now if you don't want to read pessimistic jargon.

If I had to place a bet on my odds, I'd say I'm not pregnant.  Part of that is based on fear of getting my hopes up... but the rest is:
 
  1.  3 days post IUI I had EWCM for the first time in months (the Clomid dried me up previously), 3 DAYS after my IUI
  2. I have NO symptoms
  3. I've been feeling PMS cramps since Saturday, 5 days post IUI... back cramps, not abdomen cramps
  4. My BBT temps are pretty darn low, extremely low for this part of my cycle
  5. 6.  7.  8.  9. 10. I'm just too afraid to get my hopes up that I might be pregnant for the known disappointment of a negative.
I'm committing to one more IUI cycle (after this cycle completes), for a total of six IUI cycles... and then I'm going to IVF.

I NEVER, never contemplated IVF when I started this process... I was going to get pregnant my first time out...  but now, I'm ready for IVF.  I believe IVF will give me the best opportunity to realize my dream, goal, destiny, of being a mom to a really great kid!

Sorry friends, I'd love to be a ray of sunshine... I'm just not feeling it.

16 comments:

  1. I really hope you're wrong, and you are pregnant right now, but if you're right, I'm glad you have a plan together. I think it makes each step easier when you know what is up next. (((hugs)))

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  2. Well, for what it's worth I was completely and totally, seriously sure I wasn't pregnant the one time I was.

    (oh, and a while back I found a recent study that reported higher pregnancy rates when insemination was before ovulation, when insemination was done at the time of the hcg trigger.)

    As for moving on to IVF, I am all for it. I knew I didn't have it in me to go through the rounds of IUI. I needed better statistics. So, we did IVF right out of trying clomid "naturally". It is remarkable what starts to feel more and more comfortable as you move through the IF journey. When I first had trouble conceiving, dh freaked over the charting and timed sex. He thought it was so unnatural... but then when it came right down to it we were both SO ready to try IVF as a seemingly faster way out of the hell.

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  3. I hope you are wrong. In case it does not pan out, it's good to have Plan B. I want this to work for you right now that I can't think about you doing IVF. You are in my thoughts.

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  4. Well, its never over till the fat lady sings. And you never ever know what will happen, honestly.

    I was utterly convinced by morning of day 10 that my IUI had not worked, and I had a BFP that very evening.

    Not to get your hopes up, but if we are on 2WW symptom interpretation, lots of CM is actually a good thing because its a sign that estrogen is higher here. And the lore out there says estrogen is higher in the cycles where fertilization has occurred.

    Always good to have a backup plan though, and yes, if 6 IUIs have not worked, its time to move to IVF. I know somebody who went through exactly the same thing and had a beautiful IVF with 10 embryos and is on the 5th month of her pregnancy.

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  5. I'm right there with ya. I too had a ton of CM a day or two after IUI, and I have not had any "real" symptoms so far. I never in a million years thought I'd be wishing so hard for my boobs to hurt.

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  6. It is SO hard to be optimistic after so many negatives. I'm right there with you, but I am hoping that you'll see the BFP after all.

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  7. I hope you're wrong...it's really not unusual to not have any symptoms yet at all so don't let that discourage you...keeping my fingers crossed!

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  8. It's good to set limits for yourself, though I know we're all rooting for a positive for you this cycle :) I'm similar to you, in that I always said I wouldn't go past Clomid. And now I'm doing injectables and IUIs, and if it comes to IVF I'd do that too. I guess we never know what we're willing to do until we're in the situation. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you though :) <3

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  9. I had really bad back pain before I found out I was pregnant, I was totally surprised that I was pregnant because of that back pain I associated with my period. Hopefully it is the same for you although that coule last for quite awhile if it is, I guess it is a small price to pay to be pregnant! Lots of baby dust to you!

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  10. Well, of course I hope you're wrong and that you're pregnant. Otherwise, I'm certainly all in favor of getting aggressive when you need to be. *But* IVF is not always the magic bullet. I've gotten pregnant 3 (or 4?) times via IUI and my IVF cycles couldn't have been worse. I'd strongly recommend doing a trial run of injectables before you go to IVF... Best wishes.

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  11. I am hoping for a BFP for you. Keeping my fingers crossed.

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  12. I'm sorry you're not feeling good about this cycle. But please remember it's still early---lots of women don't have any symptoms at all, especially at this point. And as far as BBTs go, many don't believe they're very accurate. My RE's office does not recommend it because so many factors affect BBT.
    I hope you find a little bit of hope to hold on to for the next week. Thinking of you.

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  13. I'm right there with ya, 7dpo and really no symptoms to report. Fingers crossed for us both...hang in there.

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  14. I just came across your blog. I just had my 2nd IUI on Monday - trigger shot last Saturday and my BBT STILL haven't risen! I'm afraid this cycle is a bust too. It's hard trying to stay positive after so many letdowns. I hope this cycle is it for you!!

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  15. I bet it has been a long week, but I hope you are feeling a little better about your chances. I completely understand that 'I don't think it worked' feeling at the half way point. Sure makes the remaining days difficult. Hang in there. Fingers are crossed for you.

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  16. I could have posted just about this same post in the middle of all my 2ww. And I was always right, BFN....until the one time I wasn't right.

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