Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Other Side of IVF
I didn't want to miss an opportunity to share this article (and the video of the interview is good too) which appeared in the WSJ on Saturday. Holly Finn, author of "The Baby Chase" (and a 42 year old SMC wannabe) talks about being on the other side of the IVF statistics, when IVF does not work.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Hope & Fear
I was in the waiting room at the RE today, waiting to be called back for my IUI and I realized I had (all too common) conflicting emotions... I felt hopeful. I even wore my #hope t-shirt I bought during NIAW this year.
Feeling hopeful brought on an overwhelming sense of fear. Fear of disappointment from another failure. All I know from all of my IUI's and IVF's is failure, disappointment and heartbreak.
Dr. K was on duty today, I've seen him a lot this cycle. He basically said this is a perfect cycle, as long as at least one egg is a good egg. I have my 5 or 6 eggs ovulating, 22 million sperm making their way to the eggs and a healthy triple stripe lining in my uterus.
When this cycle was converted to an IUI, I basically gave up hope for the cycle at that time. I even went back on Diet Coke and have indulged in a few glasses of wine since IVF3 was cancelled, even though I continued to stim for IUI... because IUI's have failed me for 6 cycles already.
I do question whether stimming for so long (due to my lack of response coming off the BCPs) impacted the quality of my eggs for this attempt. Time will tell.
But today, I felt it... I felt the hope... and the fear.
*Gwinne, you asked in your comments about the clinic allowing me to do an IUI based on the number of follies I had... with my history, it's not an issue; the more follies the better, hoping that ONE might be good enough.
Feeling hopeful brought on an overwhelming sense of fear. Fear of disappointment from another failure. All I know from all of my IUI's and IVF's is failure, disappointment and heartbreak.
Dr. K was on duty today, I've seen him a lot this cycle. He basically said this is a perfect cycle, as long as at least one egg is a good egg. I have my 5 or 6 eggs ovulating, 22 million sperm making their way to the eggs and a healthy triple stripe lining in my uterus.
When this cycle was converted to an IUI, I basically gave up hope for the cycle at that time. I even went back on Diet Coke and have indulged in a few glasses of wine since IVF3 was cancelled, even though I continued to stim for IUI... because IUI's have failed me for 6 cycles already.
I do question whether stimming for so long (due to my lack of response coming off the BCPs) impacted the quality of my eggs for this attempt. Time will tell.
But today, I felt it... I felt the hope... and the fear.
*Gwinne, you asked in your comments about the clinic allowing me to do an IUI based on the number of follies I had... with my history, it's not an issue; the more follies the better, hoping that ONE might be good enough.
Friday, July 1, 2011
BUMP (aka Cancelled)
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| Courtesy of Google Images |
I was given the option to continue meds and convert to an IUI (which is what I was thinking would be the best option) or stop the meds and start a estrogen/progesterone to stimulate the receptors on my ovaries in order to lead in to a new cycle.
I am electing to convert to an IUI because this was to be my last IVF locally.
I'm in the midst of a quick cry due to disappointment and hormones... but I've already contacted CCRM to get the ball rolling. By my estimation I'll head out there for initial testing at the end of July.
Happy 4th everyone!!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Annoying Reminders
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| Courtesy of Google Images |
It's not the actual setting of the alarm that annoys me, it's when the alarm goes off. Like I need multiple reminders a day that I'm infertile and am now working on my THIRD IVF... but that's really what the sound of that alarm represents... hey you, yeah, the Infertile one... it's time to stop life and set up your sterile area for your injections, pull the vials out of the refrigerator and let them warm up to room temperature so you can stick yourself (and bruise your belly) because, while there is no guarantee you'll have a baby by doing this day-in and day-out, there IS A GUARANTEE that you WILL NOT HAVE A BABY if you don't!
But the message the alarm sends is not the point of this post... it's just the alarm itself that's caused some annoying and uncomfortable moments. I've had two recent incidents of bad timing with the alarm.
Acupuncture
The first incident was a few weeks ago... it was the reminder to take my BCP/Letrozol at 6pm daily. I was at acupuncture... you see where I'm going with this... I had just replaced my iPhone a couple of days before (I'm so happy to be back on Verizon!) and I flipped the switch to Silent on my way to acupuncture. Yet at 6pm.... RING... (old fashioned telephone sound)... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... (warning: with the iPhone 4, the alarm rings audibly even when the phone is set to Silent) RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING...
You get the idea, right? Phone alarms don't take a break unless you hit snooze... so it just continues... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING... RING...
Well, while I'm getting used to needles (and I used to be a needle-phobe) I am NOT getting off the table with needles sticking out of my head, abdomen, hands, legs and feet. Moving around the room to get to my phone and shut the alarm... it's just not an option. I yell out to my acupuncturist... 'A'... I keep yelling out her name every few rings... I'm getting louder and louder... but she doesn't hear me. I'm not kidding when I say 10 minutes passed before she finally came in and fished my phone out of my purse for me. I didn't realize the walls were soundproof!
Yes, the benefits of that acupuncture session was a #fail.
Monitoring
Oh yes, I'm going there... Yesterday, I was in for morning monitoring at 7am. I had my bloodwork done, waited to be called back to an exam room, finally went back, got undressed from the waist down... you know the drill... I sat back with my feet in the stirrups and my paper sheet covering my lower half and read my Kind.le waiting on the doctor to check my follies and lining.
In comes the doctor (not my doctor). Over the last 14 months I've seen each doctor in the practice numerous times but they still tend to walk in and introduce themselves, like it's the first time we've met. I know they see a ton of patients... but really... you've seen me a dozen times or more over the last year+. And this doctor starts asking me what I think about stimming so far... like it's my first time at bat. Again, I don't expect him to know my case history off the top of his head... but at the same time... this is my third time in for IVF (not to mention all of the IUI's)... given the amount of business I've given them... anyway, not the point of this post!
So the Doc is in position and Wandy is doing its thing, the nurse is writing down the sizes of all of my follies and.... TRILL... TRILL... TRILL... TRILL... TRILL... TRILL.... TRILL... TRILL... TRILL... TRILL... TRILL... (I changed my alarm tone after the BCP/acupuncture incident because I couldn't stand to hear the RING... RING... RING... any longer). Kind of ironic to be in the stirrups for monitoring when my alarm reminder for my morning injections goes off.
Of course, my purse (where my phone is) is across the room next to my pants. I asked the nurse to grab it and I finally turned it off... all the while, the doctor barely pauses and continues to call out follicle sizes.
The good news is I have so many follies (the news I find disappointing is that they were all only 3 and 4mm in size). The doctor was encouraging because I didn't have any outliers... they are all consistent in size.
Today I'm thankful for having 11 follies... more than I've ever had during this stage of IVF. And, while I don't like the alarm itself, I am thankful to be in the age of technology that makes it so easy to set multiple alarms (labeled) and carry it with you... as much as I can't stand that damn alarm.
And now I need to pick another new alarm sound... any recommendations? I find them all annoying.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
No Cycle Shall Be Without A Purpose
Today was WTF day with Dr. T. Let me back up... Monday, AF arrived... only 23 days into the cycle. That's a new record, by far, for short cycles. The cycle after IVF2.0 failed.
That should say SECOND FAILED IVF
- I didn't cry. I did blink back tears 2 - 3 times, but I didn't cry at all... this is progress. Or numbness. Or getting used to feeling so hurt and lost. But I didn't cry!
- No cycle shall be without a purpose. This is my request. Whether it be a cycle reserved for testing, an IUI cycle or an IVF cycle, every cycle from here on should have a purpose. Basically, if not a cycle for testing, every cycle will have greater than a 0% chance of conceiving my baby.
- My IVF2.0 embryos were GOOD! They were superior compared to IVF1.0 embryos. The two 'runts' that we didn't transfer were blasts at day 6 (and the 4 superstars we transferred were nearly at Morela stage on Day 3).
- My Egg Quality. I absolutely should be able to get pregnant with my own eggs... it's just a question of how many times it would take. Enter a comparison by my doctor to Celine Dion who had 6 IVF's before conceiving/delivering her twins with her own eggs. Sure... because I have the same resources as Celine Dion.
- Donor Egg Options. Dr. T knew I had met with the DE coordinator last week so the conversation started with how this would be a good choice (70% live birth rate) for the most immediate results. I didn't post about my DE Coordinator meeting yet, the waiting list is approximately six months. Bottom line, I'll get on the list as I digest the idea while I continue to move forward with my own eggs.
- Donor Embryos. Dr. T also recommended looking into donor embryos, as there are good success rates and it's significantly less expensive. My clinic does not have a donor egg program at this time but we talked about clinics that do.
- My Uterus. One of my biggest questions is about ruling out any potential problems with my uterus. At this stage (6 IUI's and 2 IVF's), Dr. T agreed it's time to investigate potential problems with my uterus. An endometrial biopsy is in order.
Next Steps:
- Endometrial Biopsy this cycle. I started Femara tonight, CD3. We will use this cycle for the testing. It will be minimal hormones, and a procedure to take a small sample from my uterus around 10 days after Ovulation. It will be around 10 days to have the results. I have more research to do about this process, I'm sure it will be the subject of another blog post.
- IVF3.0 Immediately following this cycle. In the interest of my determination that every cycle has a purpose, we'll go immediately into an IVF cycle after this 'testing' cycle.
- Backup IUI cycle. Should IVF3.0 fail, rather than taking a month off, I'll go into an IUI cycle. The reason for the time off is that my RE goes by the practice of having 3 months between retrievals... so if I'm not stimulating or suppressing for a purpose, I'll have an IUI.
These are the highlights.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Clueless
Back on the hormones again (to be read to the tune of "Back in the Saddle again"). I think my body, particularly my brain, acclimated back to the hormones immediately!
I have become... CLUELESS... I am now what I would absolutely call "flighty". I can't hold my train of thought, concentrate and sometimes I even have a hard time spelling.
Photo courtesy of Chic and Charming (I just had a hard time spelling "courtesy")
Sunday morning, I was out running errands. I took a different route to the Home Economist Market and ended up driving several miles past my turn before I even realized I was driving aimlessly. I attribute this to the lack of stress I feel right now... I was just taking a Sunday drive.
That's right my friends, I said LACK OF STRESS! You should be so proud of me because I told my boss NO on Friday when he tried to get me to take the lead on another project using a technology I've never worked with, IVR (the phone robots we all hate). But, I digress from the subject at hand.
After my Sunday morning errands I got back home and realized I didn't get trash bags. Trash bags were very important to my goals for the rest of the day: declutter the house.
I grabbed my keys and drove the 3 blocks to the grocery store to pick up trash bags... and about 5 other items (because who can really go to the store and only pick up the single item they intended).
It was just past church time, which means the store was extremely busy. I waited in line for a while and finally got to my own personal uScan - self check out - only to realize my purse was not on my arm.... Where was my purse? I had breezed through the store so fast I know I didn't put it down in the store. Did I leave my purse in the car???
My favorite employee at the grocery was working the uScan station. He knows my name, always greets me with recognition, sometimes waving across the store and always has a smile. Do you have any strangers in your life like that? A person you don't know but you know, and when you see them you feel pleased? Anyway, that's how I feel about my favorite employee at the grocery store... and again, I digress. Point being, I left my basket with him while I went to find my purse.
Long story, less long, I had left my purse at home. I had only grabbed my keys when I left the house in such a spontaneous fashion. Home I went, grabbed my purse, went back to the store, yadda, yadda, yadda.
I've had a hard time concentrating and have gotten my cliche's wrong. Yesterday on a work call I was thanking everyone for "turning on the speed of a dime".... yeah, that didn't make sense, but everyone knew what I meant.
Also, my monitoring appointment was yesterday. Normally, as many of you know, I work from home. I needed to be in the office for meetings yesterday so I had to go in straight from my appointment at the RE.
My instructions were to wait until after my monitoring appointment to do my injections. I had a plan... I took my injectables into the doctors office with me and as I was getting dressed after my ultrasound I did my injections. But since I was going straight to the office I had to keep the vials cool. I had a small cloth lunch bag and used that to keep the medicine and put in the work refrigerator. I noted to myself (but not on paper) not to forget them when I left the office.
Well, as I was leaving, a business partner was leaving and we talked all of the way out of the building. I was 4 blocks from my house when I realized my medicine was still in the refrigerator at work... You know what comes next - U-turn.
So my monitoring appointment yesterday revealed 7 follicles all under 10. The doctor (not my doctor) told me "it will be a while" before retrieval time. I am continuing more of the same from my protocol. This means I'll continue my adventures as the modern day Cher, from Clueless...
What flighty adventures will I get into next?
I have become... CLUELESS... I am now what I would absolutely call "flighty". I can't hold my train of thought, concentrate and sometimes I even have a hard time spelling.Photo courtesy of Chic and Charming (I just had a hard time spelling "courtesy")
Sunday morning, I was out running errands. I took a different route to the Home Economist Market and ended up driving several miles past my turn before I even realized I was driving aimlessly. I attribute this to the lack of stress I feel right now... I was just taking a Sunday drive.
That's right my friends, I said LACK OF STRESS! You should be so proud of me because I told my boss NO on Friday when he tried to get me to take the lead on another project using a technology I've never worked with, IVR (the phone robots we all hate). But, I digress from the subject at hand.
After my Sunday morning errands I got back home and realized I didn't get trash bags. Trash bags were very important to my goals for the rest of the day: declutter the house.
I grabbed my keys and drove the 3 blocks to the grocery store to pick up trash bags... and about 5 other items (because who can really go to the store and only pick up the single item they intended).
It was just past church time, which means the store was extremely busy. I waited in line for a while and finally got to my own personal uScan - self check out - only to realize my purse was not on my arm.... Where was my purse? I had breezed through the store so fast I know I didn't put it down in the store. Did I leave my purse in the car???
My favorite employee at the grocery was working the uScan station. He knows my name, always greets me with recognition, sometimes waving across the store and always has a smile. Do you have any strangers in your life like that? A person you don't know but you know, and when you see them you feel pleased? Anyway, that's how I feel about my favorite employee at the grocery store... and again, I digress. Point being, I left my basket with him while I went to find my purse.
Long story, less long, I had left my purse at home. I had only grabbed my keys when I left the house in such a spontaneous fashion. Home I went, grabbed my purse, went back to the store, yadda, yadda, yadda.
I've had a hard time concentrating and have gotten my cliche's wrong. Yesterday on a work call I was thanking everyone for "turning on the speed of a dime".... yeah, that didn't make sense, but everyone knew what I meant.
Also, my monitoring appointment was yesterday. Normally, as many of you know, I work from home. I needed to be in the office for meetings yesterday so I had to go in straight from my appointment at the RE.
My instructions were to wait until after my monitoring appointment to do my injections. I had a plan... I took my injectables into the doctors office with me and as I was getting dressed after my ultrasound I did my injections. But since I was going straight to the office I had to keep the vials cool. I had a small cloth lunch bag and used that to keep the medicine and put in the work refrigerator. I noted to myself (but not on paper) not to forget them when I left the office.
Well, as I was leaving, a business partner was leaving and we talked all of the way out of the building. I was 4 blocks from my house when I realized my medicine was still in the refrigerator at work... You know what comes next - U-turn.
So my monitoring appointment yesterday revealed 7 follicles all under 10. The doctor (not my doctor) told me "it will be a while" before retrieval time. I am continuing more of the same from my protocol. This means I'll continue my adventures as the modern day Cher, from Clueless...
What flighty adventures will I get into next?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Interesting Twists & Turns
I have so many interesting twists and turns to share this week... a series of short posts.
IVF Drugs
My mail-order IVF drugs (from Pharmacy #1) got caught up in the massive snowstorm earlier this week. They were to be delivered on Tuesday. I had to call the pharmacy to track down the tracking number and figure out when they were to arrive. Of course the drugs were scheduled to be delivered two days late, on a day I had to be downtown for work (I work from home most days).
Thankfully a note on the door with a screenshot of the FedEx tracking information successfully replaced my in person signature and they left my box for me by the side door when I finally got home at 9pm Thursday, with sleet all over the box. At least there was no issue with the ice packs melting during the delay!
The nurse also clarified that I will not start my Lupron until I start Stims so I can wait to order that (from Pharmacy #4) in another week or two.
Pre-IVF Cycle Ovulation
Finally on CD16, Thursday, I got a smiley face on my OPK... good thing as I was going to have to buy a new pack of OPKs that day.
Fortune Cookie
This morning I was cleaning up my kitchen to make room to organize all of my drugs for IVF#2. I found a fortune cookie that I had set aside months ago sitting next to all of my former set of IVF drugs and vitamins. For some reason I just never got around to opening it.
Today I opened it, and it read: A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
I find this quite appropriate as I have reminded myself over and over that this TTC process is about learning the lesson of patience.
Work Stress
I still need to write a post about "Coming Out" to my leadership, peers and partners about my infertility struggles. I've been doing that over the last few weeks as I continue to explain to leadership that the amount of work on my plate (allocated 250%) has to let up; the doctor mandates I reduce my stress, which is accentuated due to the IVF hormones.
Anyway, I've been managing two projects each which require 100% of a resource (me), because we have not been given the green light to replace the resource we let go in December (due to performance issues). Plus I manage half of the project portfolio - this means I'm ultimately responsible for 8 - 10 other projects that other people are managing; I have responsibility that these projects are on track, act as the point of escalation to remove road blocks, etc. I've been so busy for months that it's nearly impossible to get anything done because I'm constantly pulled into different directions simultaneously. There are a number times each week that I'm supposed to be in 4 different meetings at the same time...
Random Run-In Turned Networking
I was out for tapas & drinks with my business partners Thursday night. While walking from the office to the restaurant I found myself thinking of someone I had been meaning to connect with. W is a sharp guy that I recruited to work for me several years ago. He didn't realize his potential so I coached him into developing the confidence he needed to realize he could be a great leader in the division. I told him, as I watched his confidence and responsibility grow, that one day I'd end up working for him.
Anyway, when I walked in the door I was headed to my business partners and I hear my name. It's W and a group of people from that division. Coincidence? I don't think so... I had a chance to talk to him depth that evening and talk about opportunities back in his division. I told him I was ready to come work for him, just as I predicted years ago when he worked for me. And there sounds like there may be opportunities opening up... When I got home Thursday night I was really feeling better about the possibility of a new opportunity going back to doing something I really enjoy! I still am excited about this possibility...
Company Announces Shut Down of Business (Product) I Support
Thursday & Friday of this week I was in the office with local business partners, as well as several who flew in for our all day working sessions. Friday at lunch time the entire business division was called together for an announcement that our company, due to strategic business decisions to get back to fundamentals, would be exiting our business, aka our product is being sunset.
It's strange to describe that while it was shocking and disheartening for my partners, I felt such a great sense of relief! My workload and all the related stress was no longer important or urgent. The company is committed to redeploying each person into other roles, once we go through the shut down of operations; I do believe that everyone will still have jobs, unless they elect to leave the company.
My division has assured they can absorb me and my team into new assignments supporting other products/services. This is reassuring, I still have a job. But I also want to use this time to try to find a different role, like the one I mentioned above working for W.
I've expressed to my leadership that I prefer to stay on and help with the assessment and execution of what it will take to properly shut down this business area. So far, it sounds like I'll get my wish. We start this process on Monday. This also gives me time to network and work out potential other opportunities.
Random Meeting of Another SMC
This is the strangest and most inspiring part of this series of stories that make up my week... The boss of my senior business partner (I'll call her D), who I have met once before, was in the room helping the team absorb the enormity of the announcement about the business and their jobs. When the call ended, you could cut the silence in the room with a knife, and there were probably 40+ people in the room.
D began to speak, her voice was full of emotion as she reassured the team that they have done a tremendous job over the years and that this decision is not a reflection of their work but of a broader-arching strategy based on the current economic climate. She went on but I won't share that level of detail here. Many in the room had eyes shimmering with unshed tears as D spoke, including me.
After the meeting ended, everyone lingered in the room to talk as they continued to absorb the news. I cancelled the remainder of my all day working session as it was clear that project would be cancelled (and many of us went out for drinks mid-afternoon).
D and I spoke for a moment and I mentioned that hearing the emotion in her voice choked me up, but I'm hormonal, etc. The topic of my IVF came up (since I'm being open about it at work now). She said she went through infertility treatments about 6 years ago so she understands completely. She went on to talk about how she ended up adopting and it was the best decision she's ever made; how her children are meant to be her children. I told her I'm single and doing this on my own, and that it's my impression that adoption is more challenging for a single woman.
I can't describe the look that washed over her face, but I wont forget it. It was then that she said she is also single. She went through all of the process and steps as a SMC. I had no idea. She showed me pictures of her 4 and 6 year old gorgeous, smiling children she adopted from Guatemala.
So there at the strangest and most bitter-sweet random time possible, I connected with another SMC. We're going to get together once the dust settles.
It was a strange yet inspiring week! And I feel completely at peace for the first time in a long time.
Lastly - The Versatile Blogger
Thanks to SurlyMama for the nod for the Virtual Blogger award. I'm going to link back to my post from October when I previously received the award. And again, I'm sorry your first cycle didn't work AND that it left a cyst that forces you to sit out this month. Mother Nature can be very cruel.
IVF Drugs
My mail-order IVF drugs (from Pharmacy #1) got caught up in the massive snowstorm earlier this week. They were to be delivered on Tuesday. I had to call the pharmacy to track down the tracking number and figure out when they were to arrive. Of course the drugs were scheduled to be delivered two days late, on a day I had to be downtown for work (I work from home most days).
Thankfully a note on the door with a screenshot of the FedEx tracking information successfully replaced my in person signature and they left my box for me by the side door when I finally got home at 9pm Thursday, with sleet all over the box. At least there was no issue with the ice packs melting during the delay!
The nurse also clarified that I will not start my Lupron until I start Stims so I can wait to order that (from Pharmacy #4) in another week or two.
Finally on CD16, Thursday, I got a smiley face on my OPK... good thing as I was going to have to buy a new pack of OPKs that day.
Fortune Cookie
This morning I was cleaning up my kitchen to make room to organize all of my drugs for IVF#2. I found a fortune cookie that I had set aside months ago sitting next to all of my former set of IVF drugs and vitamins. For some reason I just never got around to opening it.
Today I opened it, and it read: A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
I find this quite appropriate as I have reminded myself over and over that this TTC process is about learning the lesson of patience.
Work Stress
I still need to write a post about "Coming Out" to my leadership, peers and partners about my infertility struggles. I've been doing that over the last few weeks as I continue to explain to leadership that the amount of work on my plate (allocated 250%) has to let up; the doctor mandates I reduce my stress, which is accentuated due to the IVF hormones.
Anyway, I've been managing two projects each which require 100% of a resource (me), because we have not been given the green light to replace the resource we let go in December (due to performance issues). Plus I manage half of the project portfolio - this means I'm ultimately responsible for 8 - 10 other projects that other people are managing; I have responsibility that these projects are on track, act as the point of escalation to remove road blocks, etc. I've been so busy for months that it's nearly impossible to get anything done because I'm constantly pulled into different directions simultaneously. There are a number times each week that I'm supposed to be in 4 different meetings at the same time...
Random Run-In Turned Networking
I was out for tapas & drinks with my business partners Thursday night. While walking from the office to the restaurant I found myself thinking of someone I had been meaning to connect with. W is a sharp guy that I recruited to work for me several years ago. He didn't realize his potential so I coached him into developing the confidence he needed to realize he could be a great leader in the division. I told him, as I watched his confidence and responsibility grow, that one day I'd end up working for him.
Anyway, when I walked in the door I was headed to my business partners and I hear my name. It's W and a group of people from that division. Coincidence? I don't think so... I had a chance to talk to him depth that evening and talk about opportunities back in his division. I told him I was ready to come work for him, just as I predicted years ago when he worked for me. And there sounds like there may be opportunities opening up... When I got home Thursday night I was really feeling better about the possibility of a new opportunity going back to doing something I really enjoy! I still am excited about this possibility...
Company Announces Shut Down of Business (Product) I Support
Thursday & Friday of this week I was in the office with local business partners, as well as several who flew in for our all day working sessions. Friday at lunch time the entire business division was called together for an announcement that our company, due to strategic business decisions to get back to fundamentals, would be exiting our business, aka our product is being sunset.
It's strange to describe that while it was shocking and disheartening for my partners, I felt such a great sense of relief! My workload and all the related stress was no longer important or urgent. The company is committed to redeploying each person into other roles, once we go through the shut down of operations; I do believe that everyone will still have jobs, unless they elect to leave the company.
My division has assured they can absorb me and my team into new assignments supporting other products/services. This is reassuring, I still have a job. But I also want to use this time to try to find a different role, like the one I mentioned above working for W.
I've expressed to my leadership that I prefer to stay on and help with the assessment and execution of what it will take to properly shut down this business area. So far, it sounds like I'll get my wish. We start this process on Monday. This also gives me time to network and work out potential other opportunities.
Random Meeting of Another SMC
This is the strangest and most inspiring part of this series of stories that make up my week... The boss of my senior business partner (I'll call her D), who I have met once before, was in the room helping the team absorb the enormity of the announcement about the business and their jobs. When the call ended, you could cut the silence in the room with a knife, and there were probably 40+ people in the room.
D began to speak, her voice was full of emotion as she reassured the team that they have done a tremendous job over the years and that this decision is not a reflection of their work but of a broader-arching strategy based on the current economic climate. She went on but I won't share that level of detail here. Many in the room had eyes shimmering with unshed tears as D spoke, including me.
After the meeting ended, everyone lingered in the room to talk as they continued to absorb the news. I cancelled the remainder of my all day working session as it was clear that project would be cancelled (and many of us went out for drinks mid-afternoon).
D and I spoke for a moment and I mentioned that hearing the emotion in her voice choked me up, but I'm hormonal, etc. The topic of my IVF came up (since I'm being open about it at work now). She said she went through infertility treatments about 6 years ago so she understands completely. She went on to talk about how she ended up adopting and it was the best decision she's ever made; how her children are meant to be her children. I told her I'm single and doing this on my own, and that it's my impression that adoption is more challenging for a single woman.
I can't describe the look that washed over her face, but I wont forget it. It was then that she said she is also single. She went through all of the process and steps as a SMC. I had no idea. She showed me pictures of her 4 and 6 year old gorgeous, smiling children she adopted from Guatemala.
So there at the strangest and most bitter-sweet random time possible, I connected with another SMC. We're going to get together once the dust settles.
It was a strange yet inspiring week! And I feel completely at peace for the first time in a long time.
Thanks to SurlyMama for the nod for the Virtual Blogger award. I'm going to link back to my post from October when I previously received the award. And again, I'm sorry your first cycle didn't work AND that it left a cyst that forces you to sit out this month. Mother Nature can be very cruel.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
11 Prescriptions, 4 Pharmacies (I need an IVF assistant)
It's been a long two weeks! Work is not letting up at all, even though I've talked to my managers and business partners about needing to reduce my stress. Perhaps I'm not being clear? I've been "coming out" to work and other friends about TTC and infertility, which another post I need to write... in the meantime, today is my first day off in the last 2 weeks. I worked all last weekend and have been simply exhausted this week.
WARNING - Confusing Post:
First, the drug names are likely misspelled, I know that but I've never taken a course on medical terminology so it is what it is.
Second, if you are still TTC, dealing with IUI or IVF and don't want to read this very confusing post, skip down to the bottom and read the Moral of the Story.
I've been so busy and tired I'd forgotten to order my IVF meds. Seriously, the "Insurance" pharmacy called my nurse, Nurse A, who called me because I've not responded to the pharmacy earlier this week. But as far as I know, I only need one Rx starting sometime late next week, the Estrace. So what's the rush, really?
Currently I'm in my pre-IVF cycle (CD11) using OPK to test for ovulation (which I expect around CD14). My RE will bring me in several days AFTER a positive OPK to test that ovulation occurred and then start me on the Estrace, then I can expect a period. Once my new cycle starts, that's when Stims will start.
As I dug into the Rx ordering process, it got very complicated (call the pharmacy, they have a question, I have to call the nurse then call the pharmacy, or a different pharmacy, and this went on and on).
List of Pharmacy's (and how I'll reference them)
I've been through IVF once before... even though it's a new protocol, this should be old school to me... but it's a cluster of confusion because no one gave me a list of the drugs I'll need, approximately when I'll need them and where they were called into. It really doesn't need to be this confusing if the RE's office would just document and end-to-end cycle plan to provide to patients.
Moral of the Story
If you get nothing else from this random, confusing blog post, take this away...
WARNING - Confusing Post:
First, the drug names are likely misspelled, I know that but I've never taken a course on medical terminology so it is what it is.
Second, if you are still TTC, dealing with IUI or IVF and don't want to read this very confusing post, skip down to the bottom and read the Moral of the Story.
I've been so busy and tired I'd forgotten to order my IVF meds. Seriously, the "Insurance" pharmacy called my nurse, Nurse A, who called me because I've not responded to the pharmacy earlier this week. But as far as I know, I only need one Rx starting sometime late next week, the Estrace. So what's the rush, really?
Currently I'm in my pre-IVF cycle (CD11) using OPK to test for ovulation (which I expect around CD14). My RE will bring me in several days AFTER a positive OPK to test that ovulation occurred and then start me on the Estrace, then I can expect a period. Once my new cycle starts, that's when Stims will start.
As I dug into the Rx ordering process, it got very complicated (call the pharmacy, they have a question, I have to call the nurse then call the pharmacy, or a different pharmacy, and this went on and on).
List of Pharmacy's (and how I'll reference them)
- "Insurance" - a mail order pharmacy, the only one from which insurance will cover
- "Local" - the local pharmacy down the street
- "Random" - a random mail order pharmacy I've never heard of
- "Specialty" - a local specialty pharmacy
Initially I was under the impression that ALL prescriptions were called into pharmacy #1 "Insurance". When I called "Insurance" on Wednesday they had a list of 9 prescriptions.
- They did not have the Estrace Rx, which is the Rx I need for next week.
- They advised that the Lupron Rx was on a manufacturer backorder and I'd have better luck if the Rx was called to a local specialty pharmacy (Pharmacy #3) and the insurance coverage could be labeled "request override" - so hopefully it would be covered coming from "Specialty".
- They had a Rx for PIO, which I wont use. Instead I use the progesterone tablets inserted in my who-ha 3x's a day.
- There was no low-dose HCG Rx which I had written down that Dr. T wanted me to use on this protocol
- There was no Saizen Rx which I will also use, although I know it's not covered by insurance.
So I follow-up with Nurse A, by email. The return email has comments to my questions and notes about where these prescriptions will now reside, hence I now have to work with 4 pharmacies to get all of my drugs.
So yesterday, Friday, the "Random" pharmacy called me stating I need to return their call ASAP because they were told I need their Rx starting Monday. The Rx coming from Random is the Saizen, which is not something I need until I start Stims. But I got that squared away because there is no shelf life concern on the Saizen (i.e. it lasts longer than 30 days so if I order it early, no concerns that it will go bad before I need it).
Then "Specialty" called me about my Lupron, stating they were told I'll need it right away. Again, in my notes from my talk with the doctor I wouldn't start the Lupron until sometime during Stims because the Lupron suppresses ovulation. Why would I need it right away? It has a short shelf life (30 days) so I should only have it dispensed just before I need it. I'm going to call the nurse back Monday and get this figured out, perhaps I start it with my Estrace and I just wrote it down wrong, but it wouldn't make sense to take a drug that suppresses ovulation, just after ovulation, would it?
So the prescription I know that I'll need as early as next week is the Estrace... who has that? Oh, that's been called into Local, according to Nurse S.
In Summary (tracking for my own records):
- Insurance
- Gonal-F (5-900IU)
- Vicoden (5 tablets)
- Methoprednozone (6 tablets)
- Doxycycline (26 tablets)
- Ovadrel (2 doses)
- Daisopam (1)
- Local
- Estrace
- Random
- Saizen
- Specialty
- Lupron
- Low-dose HCG
- Progesterone tablets
I've been through IVF once before... even though it's a new protocol, this should be old school to me... but it's a cluster of confusion because no one gave me a list of the drugs I'll need, approximately when I'll need them and where they were called into. It really doesn't need to be this confusing if the RE's office would just document and end-to-end cycle plan to provide to patients.
Moral of the Story
If you get nothing else from this random, confusing blog post, take this away...
- TAKE GOOD NOTES ABOUT YOUR PROTOCOL when talking to your doctor.
- Don't be afraid to question your nurse if your prescriptions don't match your notes.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Let's Do It, Again, Differently
I hadn't been to the RE office since December 22, my beta BFN. It's been the longest time away from what often feels like my "home away from home"... the longest break in visits since I started back in April 2010.
As I was in the waiting room, a man came in and said his wife and triplets were downstairs. They wanted to see if it was okay to bring the babies up to see the doctors & nurses (I'm sure because they made them). All I could think is.... get me back in an exam room before those babies come through the door! And my nurse called me back and just as I was walking by the door, in come the babies... I glanced for a microsecond and hauled it back to the safety zone behind the door.
My favorite nurse, S, greeted me and when she got me back into the room she hugged me. Tears were hard to contain, on both of our parts.
As I waited for Dr. T I wrote down the most important question I knew I should ask: "How much more aggressive can we get?"
Dr. T came and got me from the exam room to join her in my office. She seemed affected when she was talking about how much she wishes the IVF worked for me. They all know it's taking a toll on me and I can see that they truly want me to succeed!
My Fertility In General
IVF#1 in Review (Ganirelix Antagonist Protocol)
As I was in the waiting room, a man came in and said his wife and triplets were downstairs. They wanted to see if it was okay to bring the babies up to see the doctors & nurses (I'm sure because they made them). All I could think is.... get me back in an exam room before those babies come through the door! And my nurse called me back and just as I was walking by the door, in come the babies... I glanced for a microsecond and hauled it back to the safety zone behind the door.
My favorite nurse, S, greeted me and when she got me back into the room she hugged me. Tears were hard to contain, on both of our parts.
As I waited for Dr. T I wrote down the most important question I knew I should ask: "How much more aggressive can we get?"
Dr. T came and got me from the exam room to join her in my office. She seemed affected when she was talking about how much she wishes the IVF worked for me. They all know it's taking a toll on me and I can see that they truly want me to succeed!
My Fertility In General
- My FSH is consistently very good, especially for a "woman my age"
- While my AMH is on the low side plenty of women still get pregnant with lower AMH's than me (one of the doctors in the group studies AMH closely and my AMH shouldn't be a factor, especially given my good FSH)
- I absolutely should try again (they will tell women when it's not advised to try again)
- Regarding my 'aggressive approach' question, the most aggressive approach with the best odds for success is donor egg however she does not recommend this for me yet (and I'm not ready to go there at this time)
IVF#1 in Review (Ganirelix Antagonist Protocol)
- I responded well to the meds, 6 mature eggs (the 7th was almost mature)
- Everything went well except it took 13 days of Stimulation to get to retrieval, she'd like to reduce that (it's unknown that if it takes longer to get to retrieval if that compromises the eggs - or something like that)
- The embryos just didn't mature at the desired rate between day 3 and day 5
- My progesterone (using the suppositories instead of PIO) was excellent, at 45 on transfer day - see the BIG shot in the A$$ is NOT the only option for progesterone! Note, I did take my suppositories 3x/daily religiously!
New Protocol (Luteal Estrace/Microflare Protocol)
- When my cycle starts this week, I'll call to report in
- I'll use OPK to test for ovulation at home
- 7 days after surge I'll go in to verify ovulation
- Upon verified ovulation, start Estrace, in pill form 2x/day (to synch ovaries)
- On my next CD1 come in for bloodwork/ultrasound
- Start Stims (Gonal-F 400IU)
- Somewhere in here I also take a microdose Lupron (prevent premature ovulation)
- Dr. T recommends adding Saizen, a human growth hormone; this will not be covered by insurance (approx $600) but goes along with the more aggressive approach I requested
- She wants to do a Day 3 rather than Day 5 transfer this time, citing that my uterus would be the best environment to give the embies a chance
- She see's no problem with A, my acupuncturist, coming with me to Transfer to do treatment immediately following transfer
- Retrieval/Transfer will be sometime around late February/early March
I'm looking forward to getting started again!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
WTF Appointment Prep
I know, I know, I've been MIA. It's the middle of January and I've not posted YET this year. Well, here I go...
First, thank you for all of your encouragement and support from my dark day. All of your comments were wonderful and well received; some of you were very perceptive as well. I've been wanting to post since then to let everyone know that I've been better (it was a bad day) but I have not had the words after exposing myself so fully... and then my laptop crashed (fixed today). Those who follow me on Twitter have the privy of knowing things are improving and that day was just my "crash" after my failed IVF on top of 6 failed IUI's, coming off of 8 months of hormones, the holidays and going into the new year where I will turn 40!
I did start seeing the IF shrink again and have started taking Xanax 3x's a day... WOW... it takes the edge off the terrible anxiety I was feeling AND I sleep well at night without any other drugs!
My WTF appointment with my RE is on Monday (yes my fertile friends who follow my blog, WTF means what you think it means). I've not spent too much time prepping for it. What do I ask?
What should I add to the list? Will Dr. T have the answers?
It's not been a full month since my IVF BFN but this break has seemed to last an eternity. I've actually enjoyed not counting my cycle days, no injections or suppositories (no alarm going off multiple times daily to remind me to medicate). But I don't enjoy knowing it's a month where I've "wasted" an egg and I have no chance at pregnancy.
Sorry friends, for being a bad blogger. I think the lack of blogging goes along with the TTC break. I'm hoping my break will end next week (AF is due a few days after the WTF appointment).
First, thank you for all of your encouragement and support from my dark day. All of your comments were wonderful and well received; some of you were very perceptive as well. I've been wanting to post since then to let everyone know that I've been better (it was a bad day) but I have not had the words after exposing myself so fully... and then my laptop crashed (fixed today). Those who follow me on Twitter have the privy of knowing things are improving and that day was just my "crash" after my failed IVF on top of 6 failed IUI's, coming off of 8 months of hormones, the holidays and going into the new year where I will turn 40!
I did start seeing the IF shrink again and have started taking Xanax 3x's a day... WOW... it takes the edge off the terrible anxiety I was feeling AND I sleep well at night without any other drugs!
My WTF appointment with my RE is on Monday (yes my fertile friends who follow my blog, WTF means what you think it means). I've not spent too much time prepping for it. What do I ask?
- What have you learned about my ability to conceive after 6 IUI's and 1 IVF?
- What are the leading causes of my inability to conceive? How do we address this?
- What could have been done to improve the number/quality of eggs/embryos from my IVF?
- Will I be able to have a child with my own eggs?
- When can I do another IVF? What will we do differently? What are my chances for success?
What should I add to the list? Will Dr. T have the answers?
It's not been a full month since my IVF BFN but this break has seemed to last an eternity. I've actually enjoyed not counting my cycle days, no injections or suppositories (no alarm going off multiple times daily to remind me to medicate). But I don't enjoy knowing it's a month where I've "wasted" an egg and I have no chance at pregnancy.
Sorry friends, for being a bad blogger. I think the lack of blogging goes along with the TTC break. I'm hoping my break will end next week (AF is due a few days after the WTF appointment).
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Ways to Count the Days
Today is 8 days past my 5-day embryo transfer (8dp5dt), where my morula and two 8-cell embies were tranferred to my warm, waiting uterus.
This makes me 13 days past my retrieval (ovulation).
My beta is in 3 days, on Wednesday. I have not POAS and I don't plan to do so until, at earliest, Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning.
I'm supposed to drive to the mountains (only a 3 hour drive) sometime Wednesday to meet my family for Christmas. My iPhone does not get service in the mountain house, I actually have to drive 10 - 15 minutes into town to get reception... so I'll need to wait until my RN calls back on Wednesday before I leave for the mountains.
Of course, if it's positive I'll be ECSTATIC and, after making some calls & texts, I'll have no problem making the drive to see my family. But if it's not positive... will I be in the state of mind to drive to the mountains that day? What about the next day?
As for packing... do I need to get my progesterone supplements refilled so I can continue taking them through the holiday or will I not need progesterone? Will I need to pack tampons? Wine?
If it's negative how will I make it through the holiday with my family? I'll be fragile and want to isolate but I'll still be expected to participate in the holiday activities... I'll be sharing a house with my parents and my sister's family and a total of 4 dogs (including my 2). My bedroom is in the basement where the playroom is too...
I have so much hope I'll get my Christmas miracle... but with 3 days left in the 2ww I also have a lot of fear... what if I'm not pregnant?
While I hope I don't need to fall back on this, I did learn some amazing news the other day... in 2011 my company will have no lifetime maximum on infertility treatments. Previously the maximum was $10k which I've pretty much used up with this one IVF (all 6 IUI's were out of pocket). This news gives me peace of mind that I wont have to go broke trying to conceive my child... while I'll still have to cover the cost of sperm and many, many co-pay's, it will still be an AMAZING savings that does bring me a bit of peace. My future decisions on TTC will not be weighted financially, but it will be more about how much I can take emotionally.
This time around I'm not acknowledging anything that could be construed as a symptom. I've taken, injected and inserted far too many hormones to trust anything I feel could actually be a pregnancy symptom rather than a hormone side-effect.
I'm heading out now to meet-up with some local SMC's (Single Mom's by Choice) in various stages of the process. While I love everyone I have met through this blog on my journey... and will continue to stay connected... I look forward to the day that my life (and blog) becomes about being a SMC, rather than infertile.
This makes me 13 days past my retrieval (ovulation).
My beta is in 3 days, on Wednesday. I have not POAS and I don't plan to do so until, at earliest, Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning.
I'm supposed to drive to the mountains (only a 3 hour drive) sometime Wednesday to meet my family for Christmas. My iPhone does not get service in the mountain house, I actually have to drive 10 - 15 minutes into town to get reception... so I'll need to wait until my RN calls back on Wednesday before I leave for the mountains.
Of course, if it's positive I'll be ECSTATIC and, after making some calls & texts, I'll have no problem making the drive to see my family. But if it's not positive... will I be in the state of mind to drive to the mountains that day? What about the next day?
As for packing... do I need to get my progesterone supplements refilled so I can continue taking them through the holiday or will I not need progesterone? Will I need to pack tampons? Wine?
If it's negative how will I make it through the holiday with my family? I'll be fragile and want to isolate but I'll still be expected to participate in the holiday activities... I'll be sharing a house with my parents and my sister's family and a total of 4 dogs (including my 2). My bedroom is in the basement where the playroom is too...
I have so much hope I'll get my Christmas miracle... but with 3 days left in the 2ww I also have a lot of fear... what if I'm not pregnant?
While I hope I don't need to fall back on this, I did learn some amazing news the other day... in 2011 my company will have no lifetime maximum on infertility treatments. Previously the maximum was $10k which I've pretty much used up with this one IVF (all 6 IUI's were out of pocket). This news gives me peace of mind that I wont have to go broke trying to conceive my child... while I'll still have to cover the cost of sperm and many, many co-pay's, it will still be an AMAZING savings that does bring me a bit of peace. My future decisions on TTC will not be weighted financially, but it will be more about how much I can take emotionally.
This time around I'm not acknowledging anything that could be construed as a symptom. I've taken, injected and inserted far too many hormones to trust anything I feel could actually be a pregnancy symptom rather than a hormone side-effect.
I'm heading out now to meet-up with some local SMC's (Single Mom's by Choice) in various stages of the process. While I love everyone I have met through this blog on my journey... and will continue to stay connected... I look forward to the day that my life (and blog) becomes about being a SMC, rather than infertile.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
IVF Instructions
While these instructions are specific to me, I thought sharing them might be helpful for anyone who will be going through IVF. This is a glimpse into the instructions provided the day before retrieval, paraphrased.
Note, I'm removing references to "partner" since I'm using donor sperm and I have friends on point for drop off/pick up.
Note, I'm removing references to "partner" since I'm using donor sperm and I have friends on point for drop off/pick up.
- Nothing to eat or drink after midnight, not even water
- Report in exactly 1 hour prior to procedure (DO NOT BE LATE). Wear comfortable clothing and socks. Do not wear jewelry or makeup. Do not wear cologne or perfumed products. Wear glasses (not contacts). Bring picture ID.
- You may experience some discomfort after retrieval. Bring your Vicodin in case you have discomfort.
- Activity: Anesthesia will gradually wear off. Do not drive, rest quietly at home through the remainder of the day; do not work. Tomorrow, you may participate in light activities if you are feeling well. Eat light meals as tolerated.
- You may experience cramping or vaginal bleeding. You may use sanitary napkins and take Tylenol as needed. Call if you experience continued or severe cramping or bleeding, or if you develop a fever. Do not use tampons.
- Do not stop taking medications until instructed by your IVF nurse.
- Begin Medrol the night of retrieval. Take as directed for 6 nights
- Day after retrieval, IVF nurse will call and report how many eggs fertilized to make embryos.
- The transfer will be performed on day 3 or 5 and occasionally on day 6 following retrieval (retrieval is day 0)
- The embryologist & physician will determine the day of transfer based on the number of dividing embryos as well as your specific clinical situation.
- Actual time of transfer will be scheduled 1 or 2 days in advance
- If the clinical situation changes we may need to move your transfer (from day 3 to day 5 or 6)
- Begin PIO shots 2 days after retrieval. Continue once daily until pregnancy test. You will be given further instructions after pregnancy test result.
Embryo Transfer Instructions
- Arrive 30 minutes prior to your scheduled transfer time
- Bring your Valium with you to take at arrival
- Prior to your transfer start drinking water to fill your bladder
- You will be awake during transfer. You will stay at rest on the bed for 30 minutes after transfer.
- Do not wear perfume, cologne, etc
- Your first pregnancy test will be approximately 12 days afer transfer. Remember you will have a series of 3 pregnancy tests and the first is a baseline. Your IVF nurse will give further instructions based on test results. Good luck!
According to my instruction sheet, my first beta will be 12/23... This is pushed up much closer to Christmas than I expected. I'm going to ask if my first beta can be 12/22... as I plan to leave that day to be with my family for Christmas. We'll be spending Christmas in a small town in the mountains, about 3 hours from where I live. I'll have to see if I can find another location that will do the bloodwork, for beta #2 and #3 to confirm a BFP! ...I'm thinking positive here.
Also, the PIO that was sent expires on 12/19... I guess I'll have to order more to make it to the betas, and beyond.
Monday, November 22, 2010
The Protocol
It's called the "BCP Ganirelix Gonadotrophins Protocol". And I still really don't know what it means...
- 15 days of BCP - done
- 5 days of nothing - done
- 300IU of Gonal-F started today for 4 days
- 10 units of Novarel Microdose (HCG) started today for the next four days
- Doxycycline (antibiotic) started today for 14 days
Friday morning I go in for more labs/ultrasound and will get further instructions from there. I've got far more drugs in my kitchen than I know what to do with.
Starting Point
Wouldn't you know I started bleeding this morning... AF I guess. She's early (only CD22) but I expect the starting of BCP and stopping it 15 days later messes with my cycle. Dr. T wasn't phased that AF was arriving so I guess all is okay.
I had 6 follicles on each ovary less than 8mm. I think 12 follies is a good starting point (before BCP I only had 7 total).
The First of the IVF Shots
After a bad day in the office today I got home around 6:30 and realized I didn't know how to take my HCG. It's not a prefilled syringe like every other self-injection I've done to date. I didn't know which type of syringe to use (because I have two different types of empty syringes and an extra set of big-ass needles). How do I get the medicine into the syringe? Was it supposed to be a muscle or fat injection?
When I googled how to inject the Novarel there was nothing on the microdose I was taking... all instructions were related to mixing a concentrated vial with saline (or something). I panicked.
I called my neighbor for guidance (an ER doctor) but couldn't get her on the phone. Finally I called the pharmacy that sent me the drugs and at that point I was choking back tears explaining my dilemma... immediately I was put on with a pharmacist who had me laughing and relaxed within 30 seconds. The microdose is already mixed, use the small insulin syringe, draw my dose, insert in fleshy abdomen. It's as simple as that. Crisis averted.
Telling the Boss
As for telling work about being out... we've got all kinds of resource issues that have just hit the fan and so I'm taking on yet even more - when I'm already well over capacity. I was IMing with my boss about the resource chaos late today and went ahead and slipped in "probably not the best time to bring this up... but I have to have outpatient surgery in early December - it will cost me 2 - 3 days". She said "we'll deal"... and that was that.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
IVF and Time Out of Work
So far I've spent 15 days on BCP (birth control pills) and 5 days drug free. I've been taking advantage of the suppression phase and have done my best to put TTC out of mind, hence being quiet on the blog front. Things are about to pick back up.
Tomorrow is my bloodwork/ultrasound and I should be given the green light to start stimulation. If all goes according to plan my retrieval will be somewhere between December 1 - 4 with transfer 3 - 5 days later.
Essentially I'll need up to 3 days off sometime between December 1 - 9; one day for retrieval and two for transfer (bedrest).
I have not been sure how to handle this with work... I want to give advance notice that I'll need to be out but I don't want to give details. I know legally I don't have to give details, but that's fairly difficult for me because I'm such an open person.
My job entails a lot of planning, preparing, coordinating, reacting, facilitating, etc. We have some big things going on during the timeframe I'll need to be out so it's only fair to plan and prepare for coverage.
Any best practices out there from others who have gone through this? I'm going to have to say something soon...
Note: I hope to have a better understanding of my IVF protocol after tomorrow - I'll share details once I understand all of the drugs currently in my kitchen and refrigerator.
Tomorrow is my bloodwork/ultrasound and I should be given the green light to start stimulation. If all goes according to plan my retrieval will be somewhere between December 1 - 4 with transfer 3 - 5 days later.
Essentially I'll need up to 3 days off sometime between December 1 - 9; one day for retrieval and two for transfer (bedrest).
I have not been sure how to handle this with work... I want to give advance notice that I'll need to be out but I don't want to give details. I know legally I don't have to give details, but that's fairly difficult for me because I'm such an open person.
My job entails a lot of planning, preparing, coordinating, reacting, facilitating, etc. We have some big things going on during the timeframe I'll need to be out so it's only fair to plan and prepare for coverage.
Any best practices out there from others who have gone through this? I'm going to have to say something soon...
Note: I hope to have a better understanding of my IVF protocol after tomorrow - I'll share details once I understand all of the drugs currently in my kitchen and refrigerator.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Pregnant or Just Crazy?
Those who have followed my blog through my cycles know that I tend to get pessimistic in the second week of the 2ww. I know that pessimism is to soften the brutal blow of a potential BFN, because each BFN hurts. This month I'm realizing that the pessimism has been fueled by lack of the slightest, smallest symptom.
IUI#6 Symptom run down (IUI was Tues. 10/19, I think I ovulated the night before):
- Sunday
- BBT dropped to 97.5, the two previous days were 98.2 & 98.4 (the "dip"?)
- Occasional pressure, like a bruise being pushed on, in my abdomen (implementation cramping?)
- Monday
- BBT jumped to 98.6
- Specks of blood on TP 3 times (implantation bleeding?)
- Occasional abdomen pressure/cramping
- Tuesday
- Boobs slightly tender when sleeping on stomach
- BBT still 98.6
- Wednesday
- BBT at 98.4
- Boobs still occasionally tender, just feel different than norm
- Thursday
- BBT at 98.4
- Boobs still have that different feeling
- Lower back cramping, but different than AF cramping
Conclusion:
I don't know!?! This is different than my previous 5 IUI cycles. I really think I could be pregnant but I cant be sure... could I just have gone insane? Could I be imagining the "symptoms"? This is why I actually took a photo of TP #2 - which had the least amount of specks... but I wanted evidence that I saw something, because by now I'd be telling myself I didn't (but I did!).
To POAS or Not to POAS...
My beta date is Tuesday (and as mentioned before, that's also the date of my IVF consult). Of course, if implantation happened so early (Sun//Mon) then by Saturday my HCG should register. I told myself if my symptoms got stronger I could test as early as Friday, but I wouldn't say symptoms have gotten any stronger than earlier this week.
I have been planning all along to POAS on Sunday so I could begin to cope with a BFN if that was the result. BUT... I really am enjoying this week believing I could actually be pregnant. If I actually am pregnant, I want to know as soon as I can know... but if I'm not pregnant I don't want to ruin that feeling by finding out too soon that I'm not pregnant, just crazy.
Monday, September 27, 2010
I've Got Nothing
Halfway through my 5th 2ww... I have nothing to share or offer. Close your browser now if you don't want to read pessimistic jargon.
If I had to place a bet on my odds, I'd say I'm not pregnant. Part of that is based on fear of getting my hopes up... but the rest is:
- 3 days post IUI I had EWCM for the first time in months (the Clomid dried me up previously), 3 DAYS after my IUI
- I have NO symptoms
- I've been feeling PMS cramps since Saturday, 5 days post IUI... back cramps, not abdomen cramps
- My BBT temps are pretty darn low, extremely low for this part of my cycle
- 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. I'm just too afraid to get my hopes up that I might be pregnant for the known disappointment of a negative.
I'm committing to one more IUI cycle (after this cycle completes), for a total of six IUI cycles... and then I'm going to IVF.
I NEVER, never contemplated IVF when I started this process... I was going to get pregnant my first time out... but now, I'm ready for IVF. I believe IVF will give me the best opportunity to realize my dream, goal, destiny, of being a mom to a really great kid!
Sorry friends, I'd love to be a ray of sunshine... I'm just not feeling it.
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