No Stressing Allowed

My IUI's were the highlight of my week (last week).   As reported, everything went very well with the first one.  The second one went well also (15million motile Swimmers) although the doctor on point for the IUI was running about 40 minutes late.  My appointment was at 11am and I had my first team meeting for my new job at 12pm.  There was nothing I could do about the doctor being late so I didn't let myself get worked up or stressed over it.  I had my IUI at 11:45 and laid on the table for about 8 minutes (shorter than normal but there is no scientific evidence that laying on the table after an IUI has any effect on pregnancy).  I was able to dial in to the meeting on my cell phone a few minutes after 12 as I calmly rushed to the office and joined the meeting in person 20 minutes late.  Nice first impression.   The photo is me on the phone as a child, stress free.

Actually, the first week of work was the worst first week of a new job I've ever experienced.  It started the Friday before when I emailed my new boss and asked her what time I should report in, who I should contact when I got there and if security had been worked out for my building access?  The building I was told I would spend my first week of work is the most secure building out of all of the buildings in this city occupied by this financial institution.  Anyway, my boss - who works in another city - never responded.

I decided 8:30am was a good time to show up Monday morning.  Of course when I got to the security desk there was no record of me.  I called my boss who told me to call Bob (like I know Bob).  Security looked up his number and I called Bob... and got his voicemail.  Remember, I don't know anyone in this division except for my boss since this was my first day back at this company (completely different division than before) after being gone for 18 months.  Long story short, a little more than an hour later I was finally authorized to get through security.  On a bright note, the guys at security were super nice!

The rest of the week went pretty much the same way... I received no on-boarding or directive.  There was no administrative assistant to work through my access to all of the various systems required.  I guess it was assumed that because I worked for the company previously I could handle all of it myself... except I aways had an admin to take care of those details in the past.  I worked through it but it was frustrating and a waste of time hunting through internal websites and loads of documentation to figure it all out.

This is the short version of the beyond frustrating week I had last week. I share this story only to explain that I managed the stress and frustration very well.  I knew it wasn't healthy for my Follies & Swimmers to let the stress take over or keep me up at night.  I did a lot of deep breathing, some stretching and refocusing my thoughts to remember what is important.  

While I expect next week to be a continuation of frustration, it shouldn't be as bad.  Things started to come together on Friday and I expect with each day things will continue to improve.

Wheeee!!!!!

Immediately after an IUI as I'm spending my 10 minutes lying on the table... I always imagine the sperm in my uterus celebrating and having a good old time... "Wheeeeee"!!!!!

Happy Waiting!

First, to all of you who were in your 2ww last week, I'm sorry.  Your week lasted what seemed like a month and it's my fault.  It was my last week at my consulting job and it was the LONGEST WEEK EVER!  Every minute seemed like an hour, every hour like a day.  And when Friday came, it wasn't over... it dragged through the weekend.  So for all of you who had to bear through last week waiting... I am so very sorry that I caused it to be such a terribly long week!

I am now 2 days into my new job at my old company.  I was a little worried about timing not one but TWO IUI's in the first few days of my new job, not knowing the commitments that my boss may expect of me this week, not knowing how I'd run off for the appointments (or exactly when they would be).  Thankfully, timing has worked out great so far.  My first IUI (I'm referring to as #4a) was today at 1:30 and I'll have another at 11am tomorrow (#4b).  This way we'll catch ovulation both early and right after ovulation begins.  

I'm feeling good about this month.  While I picked a new donor, last week was far too hectic to get through all of the paperwork and calls required of the new sperm bank.  The only time they had available to do the initial consultation call (which they require before sperm can be purchased) conflicted with a critical work meeting that I was leading.  I had already juggled things to get to my Sit Down with my RE last Monday.  It was too much to try to juggle more late in the week and then have to put a rush on the shipment.  With that, I decided not to create any more chaos.  I ordered 2 more vials from my original donor because I knew that could get done right away and make it in time for ovulation.  I'm really at peace with that decision... removing the added unnecessary chaos.  

And today my original donor didn't disappoint.  17million motile swimmers.  While I was walking to my car (several blocks from the new office) on my way to my IUI I could literally feel the two good follies on my right ovary ready to ovulate.  Everything about my IUI today felt right... and tomorrow it will just be icing.

Happy waiting!

The Sit Down

WOW!  I can't believe it's only Tuesday... it feels like it should be end of day Thursday!  It's my last week at my current job and they are taking advantage of every minute I have left...  plus, I like to leave things in the best condition possible for the people I'm transitioning my responsibilities to.  

My appointment with the doctor on Monday was at 3:30.  Due to work demands I had the appointment (scheduled 6 weeks ago) very carefully coordinated with my obligations.  I had an important meeting to facilitate at 3pm so I coordinated with a colleague to take over the meeting once I got it kicked off and on track.  I dialed back in on my cell phone and finished the meeting as I was walking into the reception area.  I had another meeting I needed to run at 4:30... lucky for me my office is less than 10 minutes from the RE clinic.  No problem... if the doctor was running on the schedule I planned!

When I got there the receptionist - who I really like - asked if I needed to run an errand and come back in 30 minutes because Dr. T was running behind...  I actually did need to run to Kinkos, not far away, to fax documentation to the new Sperm Bank... but I feared it would take too long...  so I just took a couple of work calls and coordinated moving my 4:30 meeting.  At 4:20 I went back to meet with Dr. T (yes, 50 minutes late).  

Dr. T was great.  She is very easy to talk with when you get her time.  We talked about my cycles, my numbers, etc.  My key question was about the timing of the IUI.  She offered a good option which is to do a late day IUI (rather than the standard 11am IUI) because of my ovulation timing in the last 3 cycles.  Additionally we'll do an IUI the next morning.  It's going to be twice the cost in donor sperm but I think it's worth a couple of tries. 

Because of my upcoming MUCH BETTER insurance coverage (due to the new job I start Monday) effective October 1, I agreed that 1 more cycle of Clomid (after this cycle), for a total of 4 Clomid cycles, would be good before moving to injectibles... and conversations about IVF.

Like I said, she is a talker when you actually get time with her...  we talked about the new Jennifer Aniston movie (the RE's had tickets for a screening tonight), compared expectations to the J. Lo movie and the reviews we heard about the "Kids are OK" movie which neither of us have seen yet.  We talked about Weight Watchers & exercise and carbs impact on cholesterol.  

I'm feeling better going into this cycle since everything is out of my control.  My biggest frustration has been the timing of the IUI since I am completely dependent on the doctor to put the Swimmers in the right place at the right time.  With the approach we discussed I feel better about the timing.  Now, time will tell.

It's a SMC TTC Kind of Day

Monday is the "sit down" I scheduled back with Dr. T back on the day I posted my rant Doctor Who? 

Of course, as I've mentioned in past blog posts, I have calmed down since then and my attitude is much better AND Dr. T was there to perform my IUI#3 last cycle.  

Today I have spent the day primarily focused on TTC activities.  I have been documenting the details of each cycle but I had not put them on a chart... Now everything is on charts.

Dr. T has not been happy with my donor counts since IUI#1 and recommended I find a new cryobank and donor Swimmers.  This morning I downloaded all of the forms necessary to order Swimmers.  I also took my previously narrowed down list of 12 to 6 and then to 2 (and "only" spending $190 on the "extras" to narrow it down).  I'm happy with either of the final two.  I hope they have good numbers... how do you know until they crack the vial just before the IUI?!?

Funny, picking the Swimmers the second time around was much easier.  I guess I learned from my first experience.  What's most important to me, after narrowing down by high level physical features (i.e. ethnicity), is medical history.  One of my favorite bloggers going through her second donor search did a blog on How to Choose a Sperm Donor just this week.

Next I need to write out my questions for my doctor...  Other than questions about 1) IUI timing, amount & progesterone levels,  and 2)  when do we need to get more aggressive/switch things up?  Anyone have input to other questions I should be asking???

  

Here She Comes! Here she IS!!!

I can feel the symptoms that AF is on her way and will be here soon.  So far she is a day late from my normal short cycle, due to the progesterone, I presume.  

The strange thing is that after this 3rd cycle BFN  - I'm not emotional.  The first two BFN's were CRAZY-disappointing!  I was in tears off & on as I 'grieved' the failed cycle.  This cycle I moved straight into acceptance.  I think after my emotional meltdown last time around I have come to accept that this IS a process and it is all a part of the JOURNEY of motherhood.  

No doubt I'm learning valuable lessons that I've not even yet recognized.  The one lesson I have come to recognize is PATIENCE...  I feel that I now have patience to go the distance, however far the distance may be...???

In the time it took to write this brief post, she arrived.  Welcome back, Aunt Flo and the start of Cycle #4 (and a new donor, yet to be identified).

New "old" service, new "old" job, new "old" company

Not much more than 10 years ago, an internet outage would not be a big deal... we were all still getting used to having the internet at home... now an outage creates much frustration...  I've not been able to work from home, I've not been able to blog, I have to email from my iPhone (that gets old), I have not been able to start searching for a new donor and I'm super-behind on Facebook on-goings!

After a week without internet service (and not the first time this summer) I decided to go back to my old provider... it was not as fast but at least it was always available.  

As you would expect, while I was waiting for the installation of the "new" (old) service today, the current service finally came back online... and has now been online for over FOUR HOURS!  As of this moment I have TWO strong connections in the house... I'm still dumping the inconsistent service because I am going to really rely on good service going forward because...

I'm going back to my "old" company... as in... I got a new job at the company that laid me off last year, the company to whom I'd dedicated 11 years!  I actually had TWO offers this week and just accepted the RIGHT one today.  

I've been looking at going back as my original plan was to retire with this company.  It really STUNG to be laid off, to put it mildly...  I had grown to have an ego about my career and I felt invincible to layoff's.  But in my ladder climbing I took a role that was  to take me to the next level and then the role turned out not to be what was promised (a whole other blog post is needed to cover this topic)... and that was the beginning of the end.  

I had an opportunity to go back immediately after the layoff, but at the time the environment had become toxic (I'm sure as many of you experienced at many other companies last year)... due to all of the layoffs taking place seemingly daily over several months... and the anxiety of the wait to find out if today would be the day they would cut me...  

I was so relieved when it finally happened!  The idea of going back at the time was nauseating.  If I had it to do over again, I would have gone right back... but there are no points for "armchair quarterback".

Over the last year I've had some great experiences and some truly crappy times.  After freelancing and realizing it wouldn't come close to covering my mortgage payment I went back to consulting for another company.  It pays the bills (quite well) but the benefits stink, there are no benefits.  The people are great, but the subject matter I'm working with is so very boring (to me) and I've not been challenged from the start.  It's been great for work-life balance, which is a new concept to me... but for someone who has defined so much of myself, my confidence from my professional abilities, I've been like a lost puppy, and gained 30lbs (that's another blog post too).  Now, I'm ready to go home.

And the ironic thing is I'll truly be HOME... home to the company where I've already invested 11 years... and from MY home.  It's a team that is all remote from all over the US.  While part of me is afraid I could go stir-crazy living alone, being single and working from home, right now I like the idea.   I'll save well over $1000 a year on parking.  I hope to make semi-frequent lunch plans with my stay-at-home mom friends to get me out of the home office during the day.  And just think of how much money I'll save because I wont need a professional maternity wardrobe!!!

So I need my reliable new "old" internet service to enable me to excel in my new "old" job with my new "old" company.  

Now I can still dream I'll get a BFP sometime in the next several days...  New job & new baby would make for the BEST 39th birthday... the best birthday ever!

**Note, I wrote this post Thursday night as a storm was blowing through... by the time I tried to post - I lost service on BOTH ISP's.  I'm back up on the new "old" service while the current service is still down.  Good decision on my part to switch!

IUI #3

The Good News!

• I ovulated naturally (drug-free cycle)!!!
• My IUI progesterone was 1.6 
• Doctor likes it to be 1.5ish so it was right there in range
• The IUI was on Thursday, July 29
• Is it ironic that this day was my last long-term boyfriend's birthday?  One of the biggest factors in ending things was that although I wanted a child but I couldn't imagine it would be a good thing to have a child with him. 
• Donor Swimmers were 11MM strong
• Not the greatest number but not bad... it only takes ONE
• My doctor was in the office, she did my IUI!
• I went in the day before for bloodwork and I would not have seen her if my IUI was that day
• I have my progesterone supplements and will start them at the RIGHT time this cycle
• Last month (first time on progesterone) I didn't start until 8 1/2 dpiui
• My Beta date is Tuesday, August 10
• I turn 39 on the 7th so the ongoing debate will be....  do I test on my birthday or not?

The Other News...

My doctor is concerned with my donor's counts and recommended I consider finding another.  I've been thinking about this anyway.  This was my last vial from my original order so it's a good time to switch things up (if this cycle doesn't take).  While my original Swimmer Picker Party was a BLAST, I've had some regrets that I made the choice so public with my (close) friends.  This will give me the opportunity to use what I've learned and quietly make my own selection; no one else will know the details.

The O Wait

Now into my third cycle TTC, I can definitely say that the period between AF and Ovulation is the most boring part of the cycle.  There's nothing going on, you KNOW there is not a chance you could be pregnant, and you don't really do anything... until CD10 when you start peeing on a stick.  

I find that I blog little to none (although I still read other blogs) during the O wait.  It is refreshing because I don't think about TTC all of the time during the O wait... I think about it MUCH MUCH LESS than during the actual 2WW.  

I'm excited to spend the next couple of days with my oldest friend in the world (not in age).  Our mom's were pregnant with us at the same time (R is two months older) and lived one house apart.  We grew up one house apart and, to this day, our parents still live in those same houses.  

R is coming up from Florida for a relaxing weekend, we go for massages later this afternoon.  

Change of subject:

By the way... Since I couldn't talk to my doctor I decided to do this cycle unmedicated.  Once I POAS and it shows Ovulation, I'll go in for bloodwork and hopefully my IUI.  I will still need a progesterone supplement during the 2WW but no Clomid or Trigger shot this month.  I'm not necessarily confident that this is the best approach but since I couldn't ask my doctor and I wanted to try unmedicated, here I am.  I still have hope this cycle will be successful - I'm just not banking on it.

Doctor Who???

I like my RE.  I love her nursing team.  I like the RE practice she's a part of.   I LOVE that in their practice only RE's do procedures, such as IUI's, rather than deferring to their nurses.  I LOVE her 30 years of experience and the fact that she's made it possible for countless children to be part of our world.  I enjoy the time I spend with her and appreciate her knowledge and guidance.

This is why I have strong feelings of guilt for feeling disappointed.  And it nags at me that it must be bad karma to feel frustrated.    But as hormonal as I am (and I know I am) I also know that I am justified in these feelings.  

AF arrived today.  Not a surprise and I was happy to see her come since I knew IUI#2 was not successful.  As necessary, I checked in by voicemail with her nursing team to let them know I started today and asked if I would see her Friday when I come in for my bloodwork & ultrasound; if not I'd like to have a few minutes with her (even by phone) to discuss what we have learned over the last two attempts.

The message back (unfortunately I was in a meeting) was to come in Friday, my doctor would not be available and I can sit down with her August 16th.  AUGUST 16!!!  

Now, I've only been TTC for two cycles, starting my third now.  In the two cycles, besides the countless days I have gone in for bloodwork, I have seen A doctor 6 times (ultrasounds & IUI's); I have seen MY doctor ONCE out of those six times; that was my first IUI on 6/3.  

I called back and left the nurse a message to book the appointment on August 16th but then listed out the questions I have (telling her since I'm paying out of pocket 100% I'd like to ensure whether one small tweak might make a difference):

•   I've only done medicated (Clomid & Ovadrel Trigger) cycles, what about unmedicated?
•   Since my progesterone is low, could the IUI's have been timed too late by waiting for a certain progesterone level before performing the IUI?

Afterwards, I had to walk away from my desk, from the office for 15 minutes because I was feeling so frustrated (and this is the polite word for how I was feeling).  If I didn't give into the anger, it would be tears.  I took a walk and was able to finish my day.

I missed the return call (poor cell service in my office) but saw the voicemail pop up from the clinic...  I couldn't bring myself to listen to the message while at work.  I had to finish my day, I had errands to run.  At 8:30 this evening I finally listened to the message (5 hours later).  Well, that (as I feared) just brought me to tears.

The message was that... perhaps it's best if I take this month off.  That way when my appointment with my doctor comes up I'm "early" in my next cycle.  -by the time August 16th comes I'll be 6 - 8 days into my next cycle.  I don't want to take a month off; I want to have a 10 minute conversation with my doctor!

I don't want to be angry, frustrated or disappointed with my doctor... I just want to talk to her about what we've learned over the last two months and what slight tweak in approach may bring about different results.  

I had hit acceptance with my failed second cycle until this came up, now I'm sad again.  I'm not typically a sad person... I don't like this feeling.

No News is Not Good News

For the few friends and my sister who I am keeping up to date on TTC, they get it.  My mom, on the other hand, I've had to explain that no news is NOT good news, so if there is no news, please don't ask (or at least wait a day or two).  

Getting a BFN first thing in the morning when I have to get ready for a Monday at the office is enough to deal with, or repress...  the only call I'm going to make is to the clinic to report in and request instructions.  Then I'm going to put it out of my head so I can make it though the day.  

If it was a BFP...  I'd be calling and texting everyone in the loop.  I'd gladly be late to work and dancing on air.  If it's a BFP, my sharing is not going to be an issue... you wont have to wait to hear from me, you will hear!

The return call from the nurse came while at the office during a meeting.  I stepped away long enough to answer and be instructed to stop the progesterone (already taken today so I'll stop tomorrow) and call when AF arrives, or by Friday if AF  has not arrived.  Walking back to my desk I couldn't give in to the thoughts in my head because the tears would follow.... and in my open work environment - that can't happen.

So I'll stop the progestrone tomorrow... but of course I'll still test until AF arrives... holding out that last bit of hope.  But everything indicates a second cycle failure.

I thought that maybe (since this month is a bust) I'm supposed to get a 39th birthday present (Aug 7)... but I just calculated the dates and since my period is late this month it would be a LATE birthday present... which makes for a stressful birthday.

Now that I'm home from work, the trash & recycling are at the curb, the dogs have been fed and I have a glass of wine (why not?) I can let myself feel sad for the loss of this try. [tear sliding down my left cheek]

Fore"shadowing"?

Last month I found the most difficult part of the 2ww to be the last few days.  That's where I'll be this weekend... the last few days. 

It's also true that there is no right or wrong way to get through this time, these sometimes seemingly endless days.

Last month I waited as long as possible to take a HPT; when I finally tested I had to deal all day with the disappointment of a BFN.  Aunt Flo arrived the next day.

This time around I've been doing early testing... I think it's helping with my sanity because I know it's too early to get a BFP so I'm not (very) let down when nothing shows up.  If I stick to my very regular schedule, AF would arrive Sunday (again, my shorter than average cycle); the date the doctor told me to test is Monday.  I bought a bunch of the very cheap HPTs on earlypregnancytests.com so I've actually been testing since Tuesday (7dpiui).  

Up until this morning I was resigned to this cycle being a bust; and then this morning I tested.  Did I see a shadow where the line is supposed to be today?  I really don't know.  It was in no way a line, nothing was there... but there seemed to be a shadow...  wishful thinking?  Time will tell.

I'm Glad I Asked!

Let this be a lesson to anyone reading who is TTC....  ask for what you need!


The result of my progesterone test today was 11.5; the nurse stated it's a "little low" (the doctor likes to see it over 15).  I have started a supplement called Crinone, once a day (thanks for the feedback on the best supplement, Shannon, it helped me make the decision easy).  


Mom wanted to know what the progesterone means, here's what I told her:  


The insert says:  The progesterone will help prepare the lining of your uterus so that it is ready to receive and nourish a fertilized egg.  If pregnancy occurs, the suppliment may be used for 10 - 12 weeks until production of progesterone by the placenta is adequate.


Now to continue with the wonderful 2ww.

I'm not a Doctor but I play one while TTC

I'm continuing to learn that when it comes to TTC, just like my career and all other aspects of life, no one looks out for your best interests better than YOU.  

I would have loved to become a doctor except I knew there was no way I could get past the blood, needles and knives part of the job description.  Now I'm one of those women who researches, researches, RESEARCHES!  Doctors must LOVE my kind...

I love my doctor and her nursing team.  She has gotten several women I know pregnant (a few in the first try) using the same method I'm going through.  She has been at this for 30 years, I've only been at this for 2 months...

I have been concerned about whether I am receiving treatment that is truly personalized to my body and cycle, or if that comes later once it takes X amount of times without conception.

A friend who is T42 - the "old fashioned way" recently learned that she has a Luteal Phase defect.  She ovulates late, has a short Luteal phase with low progesterone.

We already know that I have a shorter than normal cycle (26 days) and the last two months I've ovulated late (IUI day 15 last month, day 16 this month).  

My doctor uses progesterone level to determine the timing for the IUI.  However I am not on any post-IUI progesterone supplementation and my progesterone has not been tested during my luteal (post-ovulation) phase.  I've had this nagging feeling that my progesterone may not be high enough to support implantation.    I talked to my Mom about my concerns over the weekend and we agreed that if a simple blood test can put my mind at ease, then that's what I should do... I mean, I have become a human pin cushion the last several months, what's one more prick at my request?

Today I called the nurse and told her I need my progesterone tested to ease my nagging concerns.  She said that's fine and I'm going in tomorrow.  She said that testing Luteal progesterone is an 'eventual' test/diagnosis they go through.  I don't think that statement came across right to me.... my first thought is that while I appreciate a good 'process', this month's TTC cycle will cost me approximately $2000 (thanks to the use of the second vial, meds, ultrasounds, bloodwork several times, etc.).  

I'll happily take a $90 blood test to determine if I need a supplement to help with implantation and SUCCESS!

I'm a single mother ... by choice - CharlotteObserver.com

Sharing a first person article written by a SMC who works for the local paper. It's worth the read. Support Leigh with your comments!

I'm a single mother ... by choice - CharlotteObserver.com

Ode to my Ovaries (and Uterus)

This came to me while I was lying on the table, feet in the stirrups for my IUI.

For nearly 27 years (yikes, that's 324 months) you have been loyally working month after month.  I have taken you for granted, hated and cursed you time and time again.  

Over and over you prepare to do your job in anticipation that this will be the month I allow you to fulfill your destiny.  Instead, month after month, year after year I have intentionally created barriers, never allowing you to finish the work.  

Faithfully, you start over again.  

You have played the role of Understudy waiting for your big break.  You rehearse again and again, you know every step just waiting for the month you get called upon to play the lead role.

It's your turn, my faithful friend.  You are the STAR of the show!  The supporting cast has been sent in to allow you to SHINE and finish your job as you have been waiting so patiently to do.  Pick your favorite dance partner and get comfortable for a 40 week engagement - our chance of a LIFETIME!

Silly...  I know.  But I figured someone out there might get a kick out of it.  It just came to me at that time how much I have taken my cycle for granted up until this point in my life, and now I'm so aware of every day of my cycle.  

I had baseball references too (minor league, getting called up, at bat, home run, etc).  

Knock me up, please!

Today was the day for my second attempt to get pregnant!  I had to wait an extra couple of days (today is CD16).  The OPK has been smiling since Monday evening (still smiling) and my progesterone today was 2.08 (yesterday it was 0.45).  My doctor likes any progesterone over 1.5.

Upon thawing out my Swimmers for their mission, they were only at 8mm (last month they were at 22mm).  How can the same donor differ so much? My clinic put an inquiry into the cryobank (which will take about 10 days for response).  Since today was the day, I didn't hesitate when asked if I wanted to open and add a second vial to the mix (that makes $1260 in Swimmers used today), leaving me with one vial left (originally ordered four).  Here's hoping that last vial is never needed!

This combined set of Swimmers had good numbers.  The total was 23mm, 90% motility.  Great numbers, but I expected that from a single vial!

My doctor and nurse are on vacation this week so another doctor performed the IUI.  He was very good, explained things as he went (I like doctors who tell me what's going on and what it means... I'm the kind of person who needs to understand the details).

My official test date is July 12.  My expected AF date is July 11.... here's hoping AF doesn't come for a long, long, long (x40 weeks) time!

Positive thoughts & Baby Dust!!!

The SuperWoman Inside

Recently a good friend, L, was telling a story.  In that story L mentioned fixing the heating element in her dryer, although that was a minor detail and not the focus of the story.  Thinking back,  I can't remember what the original story was about because we made her back-up and tell us about fixing the dryer herself.  


In short, she went out, found the right part, came home, took the dryer apart, removed the broken part, installed the replacement part and put the dryer back together - all while her kids were at school and her husband was at work.  


L has always been an amazing person but this showed her strengths in a new light... powerful, capable (of doing anything she sets her mind to), determined.


When something needs to be fixed, I call my best buddy J, my dad or a professional.   If it's something I can live with for a while, I just put it on my "get around to it" list to have addressed someday; that's a dangerously long list.


This weekend, I used the inspiration provided by L and successfully tackled a plumbing job AND self-injected my trigger shot.


My bathroom sink has been clogged for a long time.  Tired of living with it and knowing it's not a rocket science type fix, I googled "how to unclog a drain" and read up on it and watched a short video.  The guy in the video said it should take about 10 minutes.  Of course it took me a good bit longer, as in it took several hours over 2 days.  This is because I made it a bit more complicated than it should have been and the hours spent was due to a problem I was having reconnecting the PVC pipe without leaks.  I got so frustrated with it that I had to let it go last night - and I ignored it most of the day today.


In the meantime, today was the day for my Ovidrel trigger shot.  While I could have asked one of many people to do it for me, I really felt like it was something I needed to do for myself.  I am very skittish of needles and sharp objects.  I turn my head away and clench my teeth every time I have blood drawn.  But when it comes down to doing something for this child I've not met yet but who I already love tremendously, I'll gladly step out of my comfort zone.   And so I did.  And it was fine. 


And that's all it took for me to go back to the leaky pipe in the bathroom and try a new strategy to connect the pipe.  And it worked.  I was done within a couple of minutes.


Small successes like being my own plumber and nurse should help reassure my future child that he/she will be in great hands with me as a mommy!

BFN #1 and at the Starting Line Again

My Two Week Wait ended early with a BFN (Big Fat Negative).

All through my first cycle of trying I had convinced myself that I was going to be one of the lucky ones that gets pregnant on the first try.  Even my RE said everything was exactly as she likes it to be at the time of my IUI; I was sure that was a sign it would be successful.  My mindset could be called "the power of positive thinking" or optimism... the only problem is it didn't prepare me for dealing with a Negative.

I was supposed to test Thursday, June 17, and no earlier per my RE.  Of course, I took my first test on Monday and it was Negative.  I was really disappointed (all day) even though it was earlier than the doctor instructed.  I was 12 days past IUI and that really should have been enough time to show a positive - if I was pregnant.  

Tuesday was worse...  I convinced myself NOT to test on Tuesday so my day wouldn't be impacted if I got a negative again.  But it was still bothering me... That morning I met with my nutritionist, however less than 10 minutes into her session I told her I couldn't concentrate, we needed to reschedule and I walked out blinking back tears.  

When I got to the office and went to the bathroom, I was spotting.  (Beware, this may be TMI)  The spotting was clotty and not my usual pre-period spotting so I wanted to believe it was Implantation Bleeding.  I knew that wasn't logical either - it was past the time I would experience Implantation Bleeding.  

By Tuesday evening, Flo had made her appearance.  While still disappointed, I accepted that it didn't happen on the first try.  And I felt some satisfaction that at least I was straight into my next cycle (no waiting between BFN and starting again).

Here's hoping & praying that the second time is the charm!

Making it through the Two Week Wait

I'm in the midst of my Two Week Wait (2ww).  The doctor instructed me not to test until Thursday (2 weeks to the day from my IUI).  Since I told myself that I need to enjoy the process I compiled a list of things to do to pass the time during the wait.

• Search for a new job with great benefits (if you need one) 
• Rent a boat for a day on the lake with friends
• Get together with local SMC's
• Visit with family
• Train your dogs
• Finally get the cracks in your windshield fixed
• Try new recipes; perfect old ones
• Deep clean your kitchen
• Read a good book (not about having/raising a baby)
• Yard work
• Catch up with old friends
• Pray...

I've done all of these things and a few more... yet I find the later half of the 2ww wait to be the toughest part.  This is going to be tough emotionally the more cycles I have to go through it...  

How have you distracted yourself during the 2ww?


*Puppy on top-right is Izzy (Australian Shepherd/Lab rescue) 20 months old
*Puppy on bottom-left is Faithy (Lab rescue) 16 months old