It's a SMC TTC Kind of Day

Monday is the "sit down" I scheduled back with Dr. T back on the day I posted my rant Doctor Who? 

Of course, as I've mentioned in past blog posts, I have calmed down since then and my attitude is much better AND Dr. T was there to perform my IUI#3 last cycle.  

Today I have spent the day primarily focused on TTC activities.  I have been documenting the details of each cycle but I had not put them on a chart... Now everything is on charts.

Dr. T has not been happy with my donor counts since IUI#1 and recommended I find a new cryobank and donor Swimmers.  This morning I downloaded all of the forms necessary to order Swimmers.  I also took my previously narrowed down list of 12 to 6 and then to 2 (and "only" spending $190 on the "extras" to narrow it down).  I'm happy with either of the final two.  I hope they have good numbers... how do you know until they crack the vial just before the IUI?!?

Funny, picking the Swimmers the second time around was much easier.  I guess I learned from my first experience.  What's most important to me, after narrowing down by high level physical features (i.e. ethnicity), is medical history.  One of my favorite bloggers going through her second donor search did a blog on How to Choose a Sperm Donor just this week.

Next I need to write out my questions for my doctor...  Other than questions about 1) IUI timing, amount & progesterone levels,  and 2)  when do we need to get more aggressive/switch things up?  Anyone have input to other questions I should be asking???

  

New "old" service, new "old" job, new "old" company

Not much more than 10 years ago, an internet outage would not be a big deal... we were all still getting used to having the internet at home... now an outage creates much frustration...  I've not been able to work from home, I've not been able to blog, I have to email from my iPhone (that gets old), I have not been able to start searching for a new donor and I'm super-behind on Facebook on-goings!

After a week without internet service (and not the first time this summer) I decided to go back to my old provider... it was not as fast but at least it was always available.  

As you would expect, while I was waiting for the installation of the "new" (old) service today, the current service finally came back online... and has now been online for over FOUR HOURS!  As of this moment I have TWO strong connections in the house... I'm still dumping the inconsistent service because I am going to really rely on good service going forward because...

I'm going back to my "old" company... as in... I got a new job at the company that laid me off last year, the company to whom I'd dedicated 11 years!  I actually had TWO offers this week and just accepted the RIGHT one today.  

I've been looking at going back as my original plan was to retire with this company.  It really STUNG to be laid off, to put it mildly...  I had grown to have an ego about my career and I felt invincible to layoff's.  But in my ladder climbing I took a role that was  to take me to the next level and then the role turned out not to be what was promised (a whole other blog post is needed to cover this topic)... and that was the beginning of the end.  

I had an opportunity to go back immediately after the layoff, but at the time the environment had become toxic (I'm sure as many of you experienced at many other companies last year)... due to all of the layoffs taking place seemingly daily over several months... and the anxiety of the wait to find out if today would be the day they would cut me...  

I was so relieved when it finally happened!  The idea of going back at the time was nauseating.  If I had it to do over again, I would have gone right back... but there are no points for "armchair quarterback".

Over the last year I've had some great experiences and some truly crappy times.  After freelancing and realizing it wouldn't come close to covering my mortgage payment I went back to consulting for another company.  It pays the bills (quite well) but the benefits stink, there are no benefits.  The people are great, but the subject matter I'm working with is so very boring (to me) and I've not been challenged from the start.  It's been great for work-life balance, which is a new concept to me... but for someone who has defined so much of myself, my confidence from my professional abilities, I've been like a lost puppy, and gained 30lbs (that's another blog post too).  Now, I'm ready to go home.

And the ironic thing is I'll truly be HOME... home to the company where I've already invested 11 years... and from MY home.  It's a team that is all remote from all over the US.  While part of me is afraid I could go stir-crazy living alone, being single and working from home, right now I like the idea.   I'll save well over $1000 a year on parking.  I hope to make semi-frequent lunch plans with my stay-at-home mom friends to get me out of the home office during the day.  And just think of how much money I'll save because I wont need a professional maternity wardrobe!!!

So I need my reliable new "old" internet service to enable me to excel in my new "old" job with my new "old" company.  

Now I can still dream I'll get a BFP sometime in the next several days...  New job & new baby would make for the BEST 39th birthday... the best birthday ever!

**Note, I wrote this post Thursday night as a storm was blowing through... by the time I tried to post - I lost service on BOTH ISP's.  I'm back up on the new "old" service while the current service is still down.  Good decision on my part to switch!

Knock me up, please!

Today was the day for my second attempt to get pregnant!  I had to wait an extra couple of days (today is CD16).  The OPK has been smiling since Monday evening (still smiling) and my progesterone today was 2.08 (yesterday it was 0.45).  My doctor likes any progesterone over 1.5.

Upon thawing out my Swimmers for their mission, they were only at 8mm (last month they were at 22mm).  How can the same donor differ so much? My clinic put an inquiry into the cryobank (which will take about 10 days for response).  Since today was the day, I didn't hesitate when asked if I wanted to open and add a second vial to the mix (that makes $1260 in Swimmers used today), leaving me with one vial left (originally ordered four).  Here's hoping that last vial is never needed!

This combined set of Swimmers had good numbers.  The total was 23mm, 90% motility.  Great numbers, but I expected that from a single vial!

My doctor and nurse are on vacation this week so another doctor performed the IUI.  He was very good, explained things as he went (I like doctors who tell me what's going on and what it means... I'm the kind of person who needs to understand the details).

My official test date is July 12.  My expected AF date is July 11.... here's hoping AF doesn't come for a long, long, long (x40 weeks) time!

Positive thoughts & Baby Dust!!!

And the Swimmer Winner is...

Friday night I had several good friends over for a "Swimmer Party". I highly doubt that many people are lucky enough, in their lifetime, to be privy to such an event... I planned it as a fun, interactive way for people close to me to get involved with my journey - from the start... it turned into SO MUCH MORE!

Over the past couple of months I have spent countless hours pouring over Swimmer profiles (I prefer the term Swimmers over Sperm/Donor). I'll cover the key criteria in my selection in a later post.

For those friends & family who could not make it to the party, I provided the info on my Top 3 choices so they could vote virtually. The rest of my friends came to my home for a fun & robust review of the Top 3. Both virtually and in person, I never expected the level of due diligence each person put into the selection. As I realized this, I became extremely overwhelmed... and scared.

I was overwhelmed because, beyond the obvious jokes and laughs, they really understood what an important decision this was for me, and my future child. There was heavy debate and even some raised voices (although no actual arguments), they wanted more information -than just the summary I provided for them.

After the party I found myself questioning my (already chosen) first choice. I spent a large part of the weekend researching more on my Top 2, paying the extra money for more detailed information on both candidates. I even looked back at other candidates I had previously eliminated AND searched another top Cryobank for a potential new option to appear to me... all which led me back to my first choice.

This morning I made the call. I ordered the Swimmers which will create 1/2 the genetic makeup of my future child. It was truly a surreal feeling. Afterward, I emailed some of my new friends who had been through this stage of their journey's recently and they told me they went through the same thing.

One friend put it best "For me, I just wanted to get the swimmers ordered and then forget about them because the more I thought about it the more I wondered if I made the right choice. I have not looked at my donors information since I ordered!"

That's exactly how I feel now.