Tuesday, November 15, 2011

11.11.11

I'm a liar. It was a lie to protect myself in this cruel world of infertility.  It was a lie in my own best interest.  I hope those to whom I told the lie will understand and forgive me.  It's the first blatant lie I've told in the entire time I've been TTC.

I told many, who knew I was going to CC.RM for my last cycle, that I was not doing a transfer at this time.  Most patients of CC.RM opt for CCS (genetic) testing of the embryos which requires that they are frozen and a FET is done at a later time, after the results are complete.

But the truth is that because my ODWU AFC was so low (5) the chances that I'd have blasts to test was so low that I didn't sign up for the CCS testing (you have to sign up before the cycle starts)... and it's expensive!  And it's the same price regardless of the number of embryos you have to test!  My logic, as discussed with the doctor, was that I'd probably end up transferring however many embryos as I'm lucky enough to have available to transfer, and probably on Day 3 (CCS requires embryos make it to blast).  

When my cycle turned around and ended up being so good, I seriously regretted that I had not signed up for CCS testing.  I think I'm one of the very few who go to CC.RM and do not do the testing!

1 9-cell and 2 8-cell "perfect" embryos
On Day 3, the embryologist and Dr. Surry said I had 3 perfect embryos that were standing out (and three more that were just a step behind them) so he recommended that I go ahead with a fresh D3 transfer.  So on Halloween day, I had 1 9-cell and 2 8-cell "perfect" embryos transferred to my 11mm 3-stripe lining. I had marvelous acupuncture before & after the transfer, it was a really great transfer experience!


My Special Transfer Slippers!
On Wednesday, November 2 I was finally able to travel home after 15 days in Colorado.  The doctor tells his patients to use wheelchair/cart assistance at the airport.  THAT, my friends, was quite an experience for a healthy, independent - I can do it, I don't need help -  kind of person.  But, as much as I had to swallow my pride in the wheelchair/cart, I am glad I did it.  Denver is a huge airport!!  I also had to ask for help from random strangers on the plane to lift/remove my carry-on from overhead storage, as we're told not to lift more than 10lbs during the 2ww.  If it means a chance for success, I'll swallow my pride!!

Not even a week into the 2ww I felt my usual lower back period cramping.  I've been on so much progesterone and estrogen support that there was no way AF would actually show up before my beta.  I've had no symptoms, just the period cramps which really crushed me.  I was so crushed that I did not POAS AT ALL  and if you've been reading for any length of time you know I'm a POAS addict.


First, I didn't want to POAS until after work Thursday because I needed to be able to try to concentrate.  I collected my FMU on both Wednesday & Thursday but I didn't dip a stick.  I decided I needed to wait until after my blood draw and if I had a confirmed BFN on HPT I'd be sad a blubbering mess when I went in to my local RE for beta, so I would POAS AFTER my blood draw.  But that morning I decided that I made it this far without POAS, I could wait until after I got the results from the nurse.  I wanted to delay the crushing pain of another BFN (after such a great cycle) as long as possible...

My beta on Friday was 70!  I was truly stunned.  I was certain it was another BFN... that's all I know is BFN.  Did they mix up my blood with someone elses?  I spent the rest of the day in a haze.  I went to Target but ended up just wandering without purpose unable to focus for a minute on my list of things I needed to get.... except for a digital HPT!
11dp3dt - 11/11/11   Beta: 70
HPT taken AFTER Beta results provided
Saturday was full of cautious happiness.  I found myself smiling and fully interacting with people more than I have in quite a while.  It was the best day I've had in a long time!

Sunday I was a nervous wreck waiting on results from the 2nd Beta.  I was paralyzed, unable to leave the house, or do much more than sit on the couch. The second beta was at 13dp3dt was 201, just 9 points shy of tripling!  The nurse said no more betas are necessary. My first ultrasound is 11/28, I'll be 6w3d and should be able to see the heartbeat (God Willing).

I later dipped HPTs in the Wednesday, Thursday and Friday FMU collections that I kept by my toilet (collecting urine: desperate measures of a woman in the 2ww).  After looking at the results, I will tell you that I would have driven myself insane analyzing the faint lines on the cheap sticks... AND these are the sticks that are supposed to read HCG as low as 10ml.  Even the stick from my beta day was super faint.  I'm glad that I waited, for a change.

Today, I asked begged my nurse to add another HCG order for me next week.  I have to have my estradiol and progesterone checked on Monday anyway.  I told her that my sanity and ability to sleep were at risk!  She relented so I am having a third beta on the 21st!

So here I am... happy to report to my wonderful blog friends who have been such an amazing support through 10 ART cycles, that I'm a little bit pregnant!  I'm cautiously happy... which is much happier than I've been in far too long!!

I've got my CC.RM miracle and if everything goes just right, there will be a healthy baby in my arms come July 2012!!!

**For my IRL friends who are reading, it's SUPER-EARLY... mum's the word.  Thanks!!

41 comments:

  1. How freaking fantastic is that - congratulations!!! I've been pulling for you for so long, BB! Sending all my best wishes that all goes well from here on out!

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  2. This is such a great story! I am so happy that this cycle worked for you! Now you have another 2 ww for the u/s. Hope it goes by quickly!

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  3. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!! So exciting!! Can't wait to see ultrasound pics!

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  4. Oh my goodness! Congratulations!!!

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  5. Congrats!! That is amazing news!

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  6. Woohoo! Wonderful news! Congrats!

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  7. BB, I am actually crying because I am so happy for you!!!! Did you freeze the three that were a step behind? Wow!!!

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  8. That is awesome! Congratulations!!

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  9. I KNEW it!!!! Best news I've had all day. Nicely done.

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  10. I am so freakin' excited for you!!! So excited! Congratulations!!!

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  11. Sooooooo excited for you! Congratulations :)

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  12. This is Simply the Best Best news Ever. I knew SOMETHING was UP - I just didn't know WHAT! I am so SO Happy for you. - BTW if you get twins or triplets I will be SO jealous!

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  13. This is wonderful news. Congrats.

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  14. OMG! I'm in tears reading this! Yaaaaayyyyy!

    Congratulations!!! I am SO damn happy for you!

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  15. Congrats! I had figured you were pregnant but were waiting to fully confirm it before announcing. Great news!

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  16. OMG! you aren't a little bit pregnant, you are TOTALLY pregnant!!! I am so excited for you! congratulations... your little halloween treat... :)

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  17. WOW! Now you've REALLY given me hope. Congratulations a million times over! I know it's early but I hope you're enjoying these happy times...

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  18. Congratulations! I hope I get a BFP, too, so we can go through pregnancy "together". What fun! And with the almost-tripling beta, you could have twins in there, I think! Congrats again... enjoy every moment!!

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  19. WOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!! Congratulations! Can't wait to see the little one(s?)! YAHOOOOOO!!!!

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  20. OMG I am so happy for you. I read your blog and felt so bad about every loss. I wish you an easy stress free pregnancy. You had me going. Reading the post I thought it was about to be bad news.

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  21. Congrats! I have to say that you are quite lucky.

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  22. I'm sooooooo happy to read this! Congratulations! Wishing you a very, very happy and healthy pregnancy. :)

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  23. I have been following your blog for a year now, and just teared up in happiness for you at this amazing news!

    I wish you all the best and am so excited for you. May your third beta be spectacular, and all go stupendously from that point forward.

    Congrats,

    Tara

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  24. What wonderful news, congratulations!!!

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  25. I'm glad to see you finally posted the great news!!! Congrats, officially!!! Hopefully I'll be right behind you. We're looking at an early January FET if I get any normals... :)

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  26. What a wonderful update! Congrats :-).

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  27. What great news! I am so happy for you! Congrats!

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  28. Congratulations! What great news!

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  29. I have tears in my eyes!! So incredibly happy for you BB!!!!! And July babies are the BEST!

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  30. So happy for you!! Congratulations!!

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  31. I've been lurking for a while, and I'm so very happy for you. Congratulations!

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  32. I don't know how I missed this! Congrats!!

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  33. Wow, get a little behind in my blog reading and miss some wonderful news. I'm so incredibly happy for you! Bring on the sonogram. Wonder how many little beans are in there. (BTW, mine tripled too :)

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  34. I never said my Congratulations and I really want to say, "Congratulations!!!" :-) I meant to come back and then it slipped away from me. But I have been following your journey for a while and am really happy for you!!! I look forward to hearing about your pregnancy as the months progress. so glad CCRM came through!

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  35. OMG!!! How did I miss this post (I'm a little behind and trying to get caught up). So excited for you!!! Congrats!!!!

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