Monday night was one of those moments that make me feel very alone, the kind of alone that makes me feel sad and resentful that I don't have someone special in my life, a husband. I was frustrated from work and overwhelmed with starting my IVF injections - I really just wanted someone else to take over and figure it out for me. But as soon as the pharmacist calmed my fears, I was fine again. After five days of injections, it's old school for me now.
I'm actually thankful that I'm going to have this baby on my own. I have too many friends, divorced, that have to deal with terrible custody issues with their ex's.
I have sat in court in support of a friend, G, who's ex was dragging not only G, but G's children into court to testify in a custody hearing. He didn't have a job, didn't pay child support, had roommates and no room for his children to sleep in when they did visit; he didn't know their teacher's names or what activities they did after school. G had a great job, a four bedroom house and is one of the most dedicated mom's I know.
Another friend, D, who is quite successful in her career is essentially broke because of how much she has to spend on lawyers because her ex keeps dragging her to court. He pays no child support which D would be fine with if he would just stop taking her to court. AND he keeps their kids from taking the medicines they need (something to do with the laws in that state and requiring both parents to consent). D has to offer comfort when their dad drops out of their lives for a year at a time, misses birthdays or only wants one of the two kids to come visit for Christmas or Summer break. Even her ex in-laws want their son to leave D alone to raise the kids.
Another friend's kids have called from their father's house requesting that she bring them clean towels and sheets because there were none at their dad's house (someone else uses their beds when they are not there and the sheets had not been changed).
I am so thankful that I will not be faced with these types of situations that would break my heart as a mother. I know I will provide a safe, warm, clean and loving home for my child and I will not have to compromise.
Ideally, I would be with my Mr. Right (not perfect, just right) starting our family together. However since I've dated MORE than my fair share of Mr. Not-So-Right's I understand how my friends ended up in these terrible custody situations. I'm thankful I have not settled for having a child with a Mr. Not-So-Right!
I'm still dreading the PIO shots - when the time comes... but I do have my neighbor or friends willing to help me out. I'll probably take them up on it until I get "comfortable" with stabbing that big-ass needle into muscle on a daily basis.
I went in Friday morning for monitoring... the doctor on duty counted 4 follies on each ovary less than 10mm. I'm continuing with the Gonal-F and HCG and will go back on Monday morning for monitoring again.