Thursday, November 11, 2010

Injustice

When I started this journey, and my blog, my focus was becoming a SMC (single mom by choice).  I never dreamed I would be an INFERTILE SMC... but here I am!


I'm not the kind of infertile woman that gets upset when hearing another woman's news about getting pregnant.  Announcements on Facebook do not send me into a tailspin and I believe I am truly happy for my friends who do get pregnant and have babies.  I actually love hearing about what they are going through and seeing their pictures.  

Some may think I don't have the bitterness of an infertile because I've "only" been TTC for 6 (now 7) cycles, six perfectly timed, doctor assisted cycles. The only reason I've been TTC such a "short" amount of time (although seemingly a lifetime) is because I waited so, so, so many years to find the right man to TTC with...  I have spent plenty of Mothers Day's blinking back tears, hiding sadness from my family over Thanksgiving and Christmas, wanting a family of my own.  

And as I said before, after years of thinking, in 2009 I was ready to TTC  SMC style.  Unfortunately, a layoff for the first (and hopefully last) time in my life impacted my financial and emotional ability to move forward with those plans.  

Finally, this past Spring, things were back in place (enough) to move forward with TTC.  But I digress from the purpose of this post...  

I am truly happy for my fellow pregnant and mommy bloggers, many who got their BFP's in my last cycle!  It gives me hope and I enjoy reading their stories, how they evolve from trying to being pregnant, preparing to be a mommy.  I dream of the day I'll have my BFP and healthy pregnancy, moving from "trying" to "being" a mommy.  I can't wait to share the news with my extended family and make my own Facebook announcement!  And I know when it's my turn, others in our TTC & infertile circle will be genuinely happy for me!

So what does bother me?  The Duggars ("19 Kids and Counting").  I do get jealous (or a bit angry) when people continue to procreate just because they can.  19 kids...  and maybe more?  Is that responsible parenting?  I can't answer that but it sure kicks an infertile in her reproductively challenged ovaries!!!

This statement from a spot on the Today Show really irritates me: "the Duggars vowed to put their faith in God and have as many children as they could be blessed with".

That rubs me especially raw today due to Paige's recent condemnation by her preacher.  I find his words so completely irresponsible and utterly disturbing.  I've not been able to get this out of my head since reading her post last night.  He not only condemned SMC's but all infertiles!!!  I wonder how many IVF babies he has baptized and never known how they were conceived (because there were two parents)?  I can only imagine he would welcome a family into his church like the Duggars as Saints.

I am so disappointed that Paige had to experience this and simply don't have the right words to express what I want to about it.  However I am so proud of how Paige handled the situation, with true class and dignity.  And as terrible as his words were, I am so comforted with the amount support she has received from the community.  

9 comments:

  1. It bothers me too. When I first saw the article about "Duggar Family Expanding" I was pretty peeved. At least though it is the son and his wife again this time.
    BB, you're a nicer person than me because sometimes I really stuggle with jealousy.

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  2. I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets bothered by this! How on earth can they possibly give their children the time and love they each deserve? There's just not enough hours in the day? It seems so irresponsible that they'd even consider having another child. And so unfair that they've already had so many, when it's such a struggle for others.

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  3. It don't understand how she keeps making babies.. unfair for all of us who have to face the challenges of TTC.

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  4. thanks for the follow! I totally agree that IF sucks! Just when you think you've got it figured out you get kicked in the ute. Dammit

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  5. Yeah - the Duggar's iritate me for a whole host of reasons, and really none of them are personal.

    I feel similarly to you about other people's pregnancy.. I guess because I still have hope, despite all the crap happening now, that it will be me one day. If they take both my ovaries I'm not sure I'll feel the same. But I love to look at other people's baby pics on facebook and watch someone's pregnancy grow. I pray that it can be all of us in the future.

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  6. Hi there I'm a new single mom and I know it will be hard for me a long the way so I am browsing the web for some good blogs and I find your blog very interesting and helpful to be a good mother. Bookmarking your blog now. Thanks!

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  7. You are spot on, BB!! And I love your comments about Paiges's (ex)preacher... well done :)

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  8. BB, thank you so much for your kind words. I too am overwhelmed with the support I've recieved on the blog and in real life. Restores my faith in humanity, there are way, way more good thoughts about IVF than bad and I'm reveling in that.

    Oh the Duggers annoy the bejeesus out of me too. And I don't think they act normal either. I don't watch often but just once I would like to see the mother lose her cute calmness and start screaming, "Will you all just shut up and let me have some peace and you, Husband, just stay away from me with that superfertile sperm of yours!"

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  9. I just stumbled across your blog and I think it's wonderful that women can be moms even without a partner. It's crazy to me that people think a family has to be made up of certain people. I was raised by a single mom and it was wonderful!

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