Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Dating while on this journey

Over the last few years of toying with this decision, to become a mom on my own, I had to go through stages of acceptance - and grief - that the man I dreamed would be a part of my life, would not be a part of starting my family.

When I first talked about this as an option (with friends or my doctor) I would have a difficult time holding back tears.  For me, part of moving past my thinking and 'false starts' was the path to acceptance that I was okay, and even happy about having a child on my own.  As I moved into acceptance I also knew it would mean a period of not dating - during my trying, pregnancy and early motherhood.

Of course a few weeks ago, as you would expect, a man presents himself to me as a suitor.  I was up front with him about my journey and explained the complexities of even considering getting involved.  I was not willing to share my journey (intimately) with someone who was not a close part of my life.  He was very accepting of my situation and still wanted to spend time with me.  When it came down to it, I found that I was flattered by his attention but not feeling connected, merely distracted.

All of the women I've met, myself included, have postponed our plans in the past for a potential mate... and lost years in that process.   I've met others who have had boyfriends (not wanting children) when they move into this process.  Another woman talked about dating someone while she was pregnant and while she knew he wasn't right, he wouldn't accept her decision because he thought it was 'hormones'.  Happily, I've met a few women who have met their "Mr. Right" after they became Mommies...

Anyone on this journey have an experience you would like to share about before, during or after dating?


  1. LOVE this post! I'm so thrilled to have found you! I met my "Mr. Right" 10 years after becoming a Mommy! Good for you for remaining positive and open. I've interviewed some single moms by choice who dated while they were pregnant (for a Pregnancy Magazine article), and they rocked! Their integrity was inspirational.

  2. I'm dating someone currently and didn't tell him for the 1st month +. That was hard - he'd ask how my day was when I had spent half the day dealing with medical stuff and not being able to share this with him. Several days after my first IVF (I initially told him I was having a medical procedure under general anesthesia.) I told him about my 8 month plus journey with this process & he responded "Thank G-d it's not cancer." He says he understands and thinks I am doing the right thing. But frankly I don't think he is dealing with it emotionally. We'll see how he deals with the news Thursday when I go for my Beta. Will he be supportive no matter what? We'll see. It feels good to have told him & has even led to some funny moments. Before I told him I felt like I was living two lives. I think the most important thing for women who are TTC is to clarify ones priorities - "is this the most important thing I am doing now?" - and then work according to them and have faith that it will work out for the best. I like this guy, but if I had to choose I feel that trying to be a mom is more important now, mostly because I am 41 and I feel like time is of the essence.


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