Monday, May 24, 2010

Anticipating Reactions

You really can't anticipate or stress over reactions of others, regardless of the context of the topic.

For me, I had extreme anxiety over telling my parents of my decision to have a child on my own.  My folks are wonderful people, they have been married for 43 years... how incredible is that!  My mom is a wonderful confident and has always been the intermediary for my family; my dad has been the family provider who creates situations to worry about (aka anxiety).

While my disposition is a blend of my mom & dad, I have taken on more of my father's anxiety and perfectionism than I wish to admit.

In my late 20's, after a devastating (at the time) break-up with "the one", I remember I was with my parents showing them the house I intended to buy (for which they questioned if I realized what I was getting into buying a house without a husband), I remember telling them that IF I was not married by the time I turned 35 I would look to have or adopt a child on my own.

Time blurs the exact reaction...  in my memory serves me as an "extremely negative" reaction.  Comments related to I didn't know what it took to raise a child on my own and raising a child without a father was a terrible thing to do... is what I took away with me, for the last 10 years...

So when I got my footing back in place, knowing I have the emotional and financial means to make this real and give a child a wonderful upbringing  - I FEARED telling my parents.  I debated whether I should simply wait until after my first trimester... BUT I also knew that NOT sharing what was happening in my life, something so important, would really hurt them as well.

Finally, I told my folks; my mom actually.  Her reaction surprised me, pleasantly.  She told me she was fairly familiar with the subject of 'choice mom's' and she actually expected I would have done this a year or two ago.

When it came to telling my father, mom said she would tell him.  My sister & I joked that she could coach him from his first reaction... but as it turns out, he was the biggest surprise of all!  He said (to my mom) that it was better than me having a baby "with some loser".  And when they were visiting a few days after they got my news of 'trying', my dad was extremely inquisitive about the process, I answered his questions and gave him additional information from the sperm bank and other books.

Mom volunteers at a thrift shop benefiting the local hospital and she has started collecting baby & maternity clothes.

So this is a wonderful example of anticipating a negative reaction and receiving the opposite.... oh the hours of worry I could have avoided!  Thankfully, I've had NOTHING but POSITIVE reaction for everyone I've shared my intentions with... I'm sure I'll run into negative reactions somewhere in the future -but it will not effect me because everyone in my life who means anything is behind me, and my future child!

1 comment:

  1. I swear I could have written the first part of this post myself! (I haven't told my parents my choice mom plans yet. It's not something I'm looking forward to...)
    Hopefully, my parents will surprise me just like yours did. I can only hope.

    I'm really looking forward to following your story! Good luck!!


Unfortunately due to an overabundance of recent spam I have turned off Anonymous commenting.