This morning, less than 24 hours after my confirmed failure of IVF2.0, I decided that I couldn't bare to spend the day on my couch crying and feeling sorry for myself watching reruns on the SoapNetwork (One Tree Hill & Gilmore Girls). It's a beautiful Spring weekend in North Carolina and I had two different places I should be today, other than my couch.
As afraid as I was that in the presence of people I would fall apart and sob uncontrollably, I listened to the resolve mantra I had been telling myself throughout my 2ww... I have to start living again. I can't let infertility win and continue to take everything in its path.
So I made breakfast, showered, took care of the dogs (food, water, dog door - they don't need me for anything else), I got in the car and drove the 160 miles to Raleigh.
I did quite well on the drive over, calling my mom to let her know I was taking a day trip. I had a few bouts of tears but no real breakdown.
Choice Mom's Conference, I began to lose my composure. I quickly excused myself, got myself together and went in again.
I'm so glad I went. I met Mikki Morrissette (and was so disappointed I didn't think to bring my copy of her book Choosing Single Motherhood for her autograph). I also was sitting right next to JellyBean Mama but didn't connect who she was until late in the day... and I got to meet the JellyBean herself... as adorable as she looks in her photos (actually MORE adorable). I had the opportunity to meet and talk with Amy in NC (a blog follower who helped inspire me to overcome my fear and attend the conference) and BunInTheOvenPlease, who is a new blogger and writes eloquently.
In addition to all of these amazing women, the room was full of maybe 30 amazing Choice Mom's, Tryers and Thinkers.
There was a representative from California Cryobank, a Financial Planner, an Psychologist (specializing in single motherhood, infertility) and a local RE.
The discussion and networking was therapeutic. Even the drive was therapeutic.
I'm so thankful that today I WON, instead of infertility. Infertility would have kept me on the couch indulging self pity. Instead I took charge, kept my plans, continued to live, made new friends/connections and feel satisfied.
Infertility 8 cycles vs. BB 1 day (and counting)