I couldn't do it.

I have a half written post about Ella's NEC terror on this day last year.  I started it several days ago and wrote the background but I can't bring myself to write the detail of those days.

And that's okay.

As much as I would like to document the details (and know I will one day), I can't push it.

I took today (and the next two days for other reasons) off work because I knew it would be difficult for me.

I spent the day with Ella - and my MOM! - and had such an enjoyable day!  Remember, we are still slowly getting out of isolation... and my schedule to get out of isolation has been delayed due to this darn cold, rainy extended winter!

Today was beautiful!  Sunny.  Warm.

We went out to lunch.  I've taken Ella to a restaurant patio once before but this was "our" first meal out together.  Then we went to the park for a walk and swinging.

We did a lot more, but those were our excursions of the day.

Here are my Facebook & Twitter posts (and photos) from the last 24 hours.  Plus a few extra photos.

Last night Tweets:

One year ago tonight was the start of a terrifying nightmare. Post is not finished yet (having trouble "going there") #nec

I would have given anything at that time to know E was going to survive and be okay. It was horrible. #nec

I want to document it but have a wall that I hit and then "mind block". The next few days may be tough...

Right about this time last year Ella was exactly 1 month old and just coming out of emergency surgery. The surgeon told me it was rough going and "she might not survive". Celebrating where we are today!!

And we are continuing our celebration at the park...

All of this celebrating is exhausting.

I am installing her new convertible car seat tomorrow (actually, I'm doing my hair, putting in my contacts and going to the fire station to have them install her new car seat tomorrow).

NICU Car Seat Test - Aug 29, 2012

Last day in her infant car seat - May 9, 2013

Nurse K came by for a visit.  Still working through "stranger" anxiety.

I met the parents of a little boy the night after Ella's emergency surgery.  He was beginning to go through the same thing and ended up having surgery the next day.  Two days later he passed away.  I will never forget that family.  I dedicated "ducks" in their honor, along with the other NICU babies we were honored to be neighbors with - who never had their Homecoming.

Tomorrow Ella will have her first combined OT/PT session and also take her first trip to Kindermusik!  Later in the afternoon my local SMC group is getting together with a SMC therapist to discuss how to handle the "daddy questions".

Grandma has been here this week as the AP is on vacation.  Grandma will go home Saturday so Ella and I can enjoy a couple of days on our own.  We are going to try to go to the zoo with a few SMC friends on Mothers Day (our biggest outing yet)!

I just love my little girl!