Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Short End of the Stick

This is a random thought that hit me on the acupuncture table today... which is odd because I rarely have negative thoughts in my state of relaxation.

How is it I drew the short end of the stick in life?  As a little girl, I never dreamed of my career, of being a rising executive at a major financial institution.  Big whoop!  Really??

I dreamed of having a child...  when I was 7, 8, 9, 10... somewhere around that age, I would pray every night that my baby doll, Olivia, would be a real baby when I woke in the morning.  I wanted to be a real mommy.

In my teen years and all through my 20's I dreamed of a true love, a man who would become my husband and the father of my children.

I watch my 40th birthday get closer and closer... August this year.  I've come to terms with not finding my true love (at least not one who could settle down and marry me)...

But seriously??? What Karma God did I p'off to do everything to keep me from my dream of being a mom, too?  Take my man but don't keep me from my child!!!


I know there is much greater suffering in life than mine, and that I am truly blessed in so many ways.  This is just one of those thoughts that it's hard to wrap my head around.


  1. Don't give up on any of it! I found my true love at 39, married at 40, and our twins will arrive at 41. You never know what is just around the corner.

  2. I know the feeling. Believe me you're not alone. I had the exact same thoughts as my 40th b-day came and went last month.
    Keeping hope alive for both of us!

  3. It doesn't make any sense does it? I know that some how, some way, things even out for those of us who fight to get what we want. But it's not fair that the fight has to be so hard, when others get it so easy.

    Like Jeri said, you never know what's around the corner, though. I'm hoping for wonderful miracles for you!

  4. I am so glad to hear that you are not giving up (not that I ever thought you would.) I am so sure that when you get your baby/s, you will be a simply Awesome mother, and as others have said, no-one knows what tomorrow will bring. The Hubby could be just days away!

  5. It's so unfair!
    I hate that for you! (and for me)
    HATE IT!!!
    But it is true, in this pregnancy game, things can change and dreams really do come true.
    And that's not some rah rah crap I'm feeding you.
    IT'S TRUE.

    I turn 40 in August too. I hope by then we are both experiencing the long end of the stick.

    Ummm that sounded slightly dirty but you get my meaning, I hope.

  6. I've often wondered this myself *shakes fist at sky*. I have worn my brain down thinking of it. I can only hope, like Paige says, dreams really do come true.

  7. I definitely hear you. Before M showed up I would have these moments when I was sure I would wake up and realize the IF was just a bad dream. It really is unfair, and you have every right to complain. I have all of my appendages crossed for you! Those 40 year old babies DO happen, keep up the hope!

  8. Boy, I could have written this post. I think the exact same thing on almost a daily basis. It makes no sense, does it?

    I haven't given up on finding 'the man' but that's on a back burner right now. And frankly, if it never happens I'm totally okay with it. I am not, however, okay with not being a mom.

  9. I don't know why life is so unfair... Don't give up.. you will be a mommy. We are your backbone and will keep reminding you to stay strong.

  10. No, life is definitely not fair. I wish things were easier. Your desire to be a mommy was clear as you described all through childhood and I know you will not give up. Your child will be very lucky to be so wanted!

  11. Glad to hear that you are NOT GIVING UP! Ttc os such a hard roller coaster.

  12. I feel like this on a daily basis. But giving up is not an option for me either. Just keep following you heart and your dreams and they will all come true.

  13. I just found your blog and it's so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one that has these thoughts!


Unfortunately due to an overabundance of recent spam I have turned off Anonymous commenting.