I'm homesick. If you are following along on Caringbridge, you have an idea of the day to day, the great week Ella had and in general, the story. And I'm handling it. Most days I'm handling it with humor and a smile.
But when I get back to my room in the lovely hospitality house (that I am truly so thankful for)... there are times I get homesick. Especially in the shower.
I honestly think all of this would be a 'little bit easier' if I could go home at the end of the day. You know the feeling when you walk in your house? The 'ah, I'm home' feeling. You are surrounded by your personal comforts. You are in your safe place.
And I'd have my dogs.
I just don't have that here. It's a lovely place, but at the end of the day, it's a room. A twin bed. Very little counter space (you can't wash & dry your pump parts in the same place, you have to move from bathroom to counter in bedroom for wash/dry). I have to sit on the bed and pump. The water pressure and temperature of the shower fluctuate frequently. There is no TV. I am latching on to an unsecured internet signal that is not overly reliable. No food or drink other than water in your room. Hospital grade sheets & towels... that sometimes have strange stains on them.
My room is by FAR better than the hospital room I was in... so it is a matter of perspective. It's just not HOME.
Knowing that this will be my life for the next 2 - 3 months (although I'll be moving from my current location to stay at a friends house/guest room)...
ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I really am fine and grateful. I hope you understand the need to let it out.