Joy & Heartbreak

Four women became friends about 2 months ago because of two things we all shared:

1) We are all unmarried, in our later childbearing years

2) We all want a child

One woman, I'll call H, was already 4 weeks pregnant when we met.  Six weeks later B got a positive result on her pregnancy test from her first IUI.  Sadly, the same day, H had an ultrasound that revealed no heartbeat remained.

Joy & heartbreak.  With the reality of pursuing dreams we also risk our hearts...  

Single Female is a PreExisting Condition

When I made my first (final first, that is) appointment with the RE I was advised to call my insurance company for preauthorization.  

I mentioned in an earlier post I was laid off last year.  Laid off after 11 years working for a major employer in the city; an employer that has been named a top place in the US to work for moms; an employer that had excellent benefits (as I've come to appreciate after severance ended).

That preauthorization call I had with the insurance company led me to tears.  The woman asked some very personal questions - as I later realized was to determine if they would cover me for 'infertility' treatment.  I explained that I've never had reason to believe I'm infertile.  I've spent my adult life ensuring pregnancy did NOT happen; I've never actually TRIED to get pregnant!

Well the problem is, the insurance company will not cover ANY costs associated with my testing or procedures because I'm not currently having unprotected sex with a man.  I have to be having sex for something like 6 months or more for them to consider covering any of my expenses.  

The cost-effective manner for conception would be to pick a guy up at a bar... but that's not the smart option... and not an option I would choose for myself or my child.

On top of that, I had to have surgery early this month to remove a polyp in my uterus and that's when I learned I had a $2,000 deductible.

Through my 20's and most of my 30's I had this incredible insurance coverage I never really needed (I WAS a 2x marathon runner ).  Now I have coverage I pay far too much for every month that never actually covers me for anything - even beyond my trying to conceive (TTC).  Have you heard of pre-authorization forms they require of doctors who have already written a prescription in order to confirm a prescription is actually needed?  That's why I'm currently OFF of any allergy medication; so many hoops are required for jumping through by the patient, pharmacy and doctor - someone always gives up - hence the insurance company saves money.

And after my first consult with my doctor I realized if I had just been "less open" on that call with the insurance company, I wouldn't be digging into my "child fund" to pay for my TTC procedures.

Sorry for the rant tonight.  Anyone else out there frustrated with insurance (that the Obama plan will not actually address)?

How many False Start's does it take?

I started this blog nearly 9 months ago (an ironic number). It was a False Start.

I cancelled my appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist (RE) 3 times.

Things I didn't cover in my first post include - after a long, secure, successful career I was laid off in early 2009. After the layoff, I decided to try to make it on my own, freelancing. While I enjoyed the freelancing schedule and creativity, the lack of secure income (too small to cover my mortgage) caused more anxiety than it was worth... I learned this lesson late in the year.

Deciding that making a secure income was more important than how I made my income (so I did not have to give up my dreams), I went back to corporate life toward the end of the year.

Since returning to a secure income, I've had (and kept) several appointments with my RE, had an HCG test (tubes are clear) and a hysteroscopy (surgery to remove a polyp in my uterus). This morning I ordered my Swimmers and I am waiting on my next cycle for my first 'try'.

Just this past weekend I had a Swimmer Party, picking my final donor 'swimmers'. My next post will be on this overwhelming process.

I've been thinking about moving forward with having a baby for years, originally it was going to be at age 35, then 37, now I'm nearly 39... have any of you been through your own series of false starts? What did it take to push you beyond this stage?

Just getting started

My 38th birthday passed by a few weeks ago. I'm a never-married, successful professional woman. Over the years I've put more into my career than I have in relationships. I've had a few significant relationships over the years but none were Mr. Right. My heart has been broken and I have broken hearts. When it comes down to it, Mr. Adequate is not someone I want to roll the dice with for the long haul. I still believe in love, even though it had eluded me.

I've had this "back up plan" in my head for years, but of course hoped that I'd find my love first. At the same time, I've never been one to wait for a man to do what I want in life; I've bought a house (a few over the years), traveled extensively, invested, have dogs, etc. The biggest thing in my life I've been waiting in "him" for is to have a family.

I've just begun taking "baby" steps to start a family. I've had a physical, gone to the open house at a highly recommended endocrinology clinic and set an appointment with the doctor there. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on about being a "Choice mom" and talking with my friends about being a support system for me and my child.

Over the coming months I will dive into all of this and more: sharing my journey, what I am learning, the difficult decisions, the family concerns (parents & siblings), financial concerns, planning for the unexpected, the emotions...

Thank you for reading. As I work through a few of the concerns listed (family & job), I will remove the anonymous nature of my postings. I have also set up a twitter account. Follow me @singlemom2b