Saturday, March 19, 2011

A Small Victory over IF

This morning, less than 24 hours after my confirmed failure of IVF2.0, I decided that I couldn't bare to spend the day on my couch crying and feeling sorry for myself watching reruns on the SoapNetwork (One Tree Hill & Gilmore Girls).  It's a beautiful Spring weekend in North Carolina and I had two different places I should be today, other than my couch.

As afraid as I was that in the presence of people I would fall apart and sob uncontrollably, I listened to the resolve mantra I had been telling myself throughout my 2ww...  I have to start living again.  I can't let infertility win and continue to take everything in its path.

So I made breakfast, showered, took care of the dogs (food, water, dog door - they don't need me for anything else), I got in the car and drove the 160 miles to Raleigh.

I did quite well on the drive over, calling my mom to let her know I was taking a day trip.  I had a few bouts of tears but no real breakdown.

I arrived at the resort (conference center) and immediately found the restroom ( I consumed 64 oz of water on my trip over).  As soon as I walked into the conference room - this was a Choice Mom's Conference, I began to lose my composure.  I quickly excused myself, got myself together and went in again.

I'm so glad I went.  I met Mikki Morrissette (and was so disappointed I didn't think to bring my copy of her book Choosing Single Motherhood for her autograph).  I also was sitting right next to JellyBean Mama but didn't connect who she was until late in the day... and I got to meet the JellyBean herself... as adorable as she looks in her photos (actually MORE adorable).  I had the opportunity to meet and talk with Amy in NC (a blog follower who helped inspire me to overcome my fear and attend the conference) and BunInTheOvenPlease, who is a new blogger and writes eloquently.

In addition to all of these amazing women, the room was full of maybe 30 amazing Choice Mom's, Tryers and Thinkers.

There was a representative from California Cryobank, a Financial Planner, an Psychologist (specializing in single motherhood, infertility) and a local RE.

The discussion and networking was therapeutic.  Even the drive was therapeutic.

I'm so thankful that today I WON, instead of infertility.  Infertility would have kept me on the couch indulging self pity.  Instead I took charge, kept my plans, continued to live, made new friends/connections and feel satisfied.

New Score:
Infertility 8 cycles vs. BB 1 day (and counting)
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15 comments:

  1. asano taylorMarch 19, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    I look up to your strength. I have never done IVF yet but you are truly inspiring! Glad that you found brighter day <3<3 :)

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  2. Jeri Johnson MorganMarch 19, 2011 at 10:27 PM

    I was so happy to read this. Winning-hello!!

    I know the situations are different but what you said reminds me very much of what I needed to do in the days after my miscarriage last summer. It was hard-but without a doubt exactly what I needed at the time.

    Just keep taking it one day at a time and I know you will end up exactly where you should be.

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  3. GilleMarch 19, 2011 at 11:01 PM

    I'm so glad you came out on top today and thanks so much for giving an account of the conference. I've yet to be able to go to one and I really want to.
    I've faced lesser issues this week and still stayed in bed. You're inspiring. Keep it up!

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  4. NellMarch 19, 2011 at 11:31 PM

    I am proud of you. I struggle with leaving the house at all when I am down.

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  5. MichaelaMarch 19, 2011 at 11:56 PM

    You've got a lot of "hutspa!" Good for you! Sometimes the hardest part is getting up. I am so glad you did.

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  6. Sarah FainMarch 20, 2011 at 1:48 AM

    Good for you! I'm seriously impressed. (And also jealous that you got to see and meet such an amazing group of SMCs!)

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  7. JenMarch 20, 2011 at 4:39 AM

    Congrats on the victory and great mind set!

    I haven't been to an event in almost two years and hope one makes it my way soon. It's amazing to connect with people who really do understand and to have access to the resources provided.

    After my first five failed embryo transfers, I stopped going to my local support group; I couldn't handle it. After my 6th failed transfer I did manage to make it and was grateful. Now after my 7th failure I know that I will try and make it next time. We need each other (even if some of them are pregnant or already mothers).

    Best wishes!!

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  8. BabyMakingDiaryMarch 20, 2011 at 8:57 AM

    Think your attitude and strength are amazing - so inspirational x

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  9. The Baby Chase ProjectMarch 20, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    You are stronger than you know it. Just take it one day at a time. You have our support.

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  10. ShannonMarch 20, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    I'm so glad that you went, but I'm especially glad that you found it therapeutic. I wish I could have been there - some day there's going to be a (relatively) local SMC event that actually matches with my schedule.

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  11. gwinneMarch 20, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    I'm glad to hear you're in a better place.

    You asked if I had any posts on DE...not sure if you've combed through my archives yet. But the major turning point for me was something that Sprogblogger said, which boils down to, why would you choose infertility if there was another option. Not an easy path, no doubt about it. But I've always felt better when I chose ACTION over standing still....sounds like you might be similar.

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  12. AnonymousMarch 20, 2011 at 2:25 PM

    You are so incredibly strong, BB. I hope you see that...
    So glad you had a empowering day with the SMC group - sounds like it was just what you needed.

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  13. Amy in NCMarch 20, 2011 at 2:28 PM

    It was great to meet you yesterday! We really had a great group at the meeting. And you definitely WON! Keep your head up and know that there are lots of us who support you.

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  14. inBetweenMarch 20, 2011 at 2:39 PM

    good for you! I am so happy to hear the conference ended up being just what you needed.

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  15. RamonaMarch 21, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    I'm so glad you got out off of the couch, BB. And what better way, than to be with others like you. It always helped me on my tries to single mommyhood. And Mikki was a big help to me, too. I love those Choice Mom conferences. Take care and good luck!!!

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